- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
When I was five years old, my mother had pulled all the hair out of the back of my head and she had beaten me all most to death; which caused me not to talk for over a year, until age 6. I was molested from age 3 to age 11, and beaten off and on by an evil mother. I was kidnapped at age 14, and raped and beaten. I spent most of my life in and out of Juvenile Hall.
I later overdosed on LSD (20 tabs) at age 15. I started to have black outs when drinking, so I would try to use only drugs, but I liked my alcohol the most; smoking pot or using speed never got me high enough. I look back and see that my drinking was both an attempt to get drunk, but also to kill myself.
At age 18 I wanted to become a nun, but later was denied entrance to the church because of my juvenile record, so I went back to using drugs and drinking, and started working in nude bars. I thought if I was married and had children maybe I could stop drinking, so I got married at age 19. I had two children, but my drinking just got worse. I lost my daughter when she was only 6 weeks old and my son was 2 years old.
I ended up going to recovery meetings, but after I could not get sober for over four years, they started to place bets on me that I would never make it.
After recovery began, I went back to college and have been working as a substance abuse counselor for over 30 years. I am not working today, but I am a host for Time to Heal Recovery Talk TV Show in Boise, Idaho. You can find us on YouTube if you search “Time to Heal With Pam Episode 1-5.” My brother and I are almost done writing our book about what happened to us as children.
It’s truly a miracle I am still here, let alone sober and clean for over 34 years. I cannot thank those in recovery enough for their love and support; I just want to give it away to others, as it was given to me. If you are out there and are feeling hopeless just know your family loves you and if you do not have family, people in the 12-Step programs love you.
We are always here for each other, you just have to call. You take two steps towards God, and He will take twenty steps towards you. I would not have stayed sober without my faith in God, and the 12 steps of recovery. I still believe in doing the program only “One Day at a Time”.