
- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
I am an alcoholic in recovery.
I am the son of an alcoholic in recovery.
I am the father of an addict in recovery.
Not only do I share the same name as my father and my son, but I also share the disease of addiction. Most importantly, we all share the incredible life that is found in recovery.
There was a long stretch of my life when I would cringe every time people would say that I was like my father. He was serious, stern and sober. I worked very hard to be none of the above.
I wrecked a lot of my own life being unlike my father. “Careless, not serious, and drunk” seemed like a good idea for a long time. Living life this way will catch up with you– it always does. The disease of alcoholism/addiction is relentless in pursuit of your demise. Somehow, I survived myself, just like my father and now my son.
When the wreckage of my life became too much, I finally reached the point that I could not take it anymore. I had a failed marriage to a fellow addict/alcoholic, my family was in shambles, my finances were in ruin, and I was left with few friends and options.
I finally reached my point of desperation after a 25 year downward spiral and got sober on April 22, 2013. The feeling of freedom did not come quickly. I quit “white knuckle” while I was alone, desperate, and living with an addict/alcoholic in her own downward spiral. By the grace of God, I persisted. I lived in fear and pain. I felt emotions that had been numbed out for 25 years. I was a complete stranger to myself. I had to find myself and learn how to feel like a human being all over again.
I was willing to do whatever it took to make it– divorce, cutting off old friends, getting healthy, going to counseling, going to 12-step meetings, and making amends with my family were all just the beginning. I had been to two meetings before I got sober. I went because I had to. My son got busted for weed and it was a part of his diversion to attend two twelve-step meetings. I didn’t drink before going to the meetings, but would make up for it when I got home. I wanted nothing to do with those people.
Nine months into my sobriety, I mustered the courage to go to a meeting with the encouragement of an incredible woman who is now my wife and partner in sobriety. I went back to the hall where I had been with my son. There was a sign on the door that they had moved. I scrambled to find the new location. I decided that I would do whatever it took. I knew within minutes that I was right where I belonged. Before, what had been torture was now sweet relief. The world looked completely different on the other side.
I have lived more life in the four plus years of sobriety than all my previous 46 years. I have learned to live one incredible, beautiful day at a time. My daily mantra is surrender, sobriety, sacrifice, simplicity, serenity. I have an incredible life that eluded me all those years. I have a beautiful marriage to an incredible woman who is also in recovery. I am the father that my three boys deserve. I am happy, healthy, and productive. I face challenges and deal with life as it comes. I work my program daily and consistently. I have faced the wreckage of my past with faith and courage. I have been able to share my experience, strength and hope with my oldest son who is now in recovery from opioids. I have replaced enabling and denial with love and boundaries.