- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
I am a recovering heroin addict. My story has a lot to it, but I will try to put it into short form.
I drank at a very young age and also suffered from depression in my teens. At 19 I had my first child shortly after I got married. Within nine years I lost my second son, had two young boys and was going through divorce. I sank even further into depression.
After a couple years, I found myself in love with Tim. After a year I found out that he had an addiction to crack cocaine. I did not understand drug addiction; it did not make any sense to me. At the same time we found out that we were expecting a child, he was back and forth in jail. Even though Tim tried to fight his alcohol and drug addiction, it seemed to have the best of him.
I could relate to his problems with alcohol because I did like to drink. When my youngest son was born, I tried heroin for the first time. After arguments with my husband, I left it alone until Tim was again in prison, and this time he had a two-year sentence. When he got out, I was addicted to heroin. My two oldest boys went to live with their father. When Tim came home, he quickly became addicted to heroin also.
The downhill slope began. I overdosed on heroin and had to be shocked back to life. I was hospitalized on two occasions for abscesses and almost lost my arm. On January 1, 2011, I woke up and found Tim dead of an overdose. It was our ninth anniversary. We were suppose to go to dinner after a nap, so when I woke up, I was smiling as I turned to him.
I will never forget what I saw, but it wasn’t enough to make me stop. I lost custody of my son in May 2011. I want to tell you that woke me up, but I can’t. In November 2011, I knew that I wanted something different. That is when I started to reach out for help. My search for help led me to a few different places, but there were long waiting lists to get into a facility.
I was arrested in January 2012 for prostitution, and in February I started asking for help again. I was put in a detox unit but told there was nothing more they could do for me. I cursed and yelled and begged for help before taking a minute to go to my room and pray. I called out to the Lord, and within 30 minutes I received a call from a Christian inpatient facility. Within a few hours, I was there. I started to open my eyes for the first time in a long time.
I was in the facility for almost four months before I decided for many reasons that I should be closer to my son. I went home and checked into an outpatient program. I finished the 10-week course, but shortly after that I thought I could be around old people, places and things. I soon realized that was not an option, as I relapsed. I knew I needed to address my relapse, and that led me to a transitional house where I learned how to deal with many things.
I had left the Lord, although he was always there, and I wanted to feel his love again. I signed up for recovery groups, classes and counseling to address my underlying issues. I started going to church and putting myself around good Christian people. I moved out after I completed the four-month transitional program. I started a Facebook page to motivate others to change and find the Lord. I am also a motivational speaker. I speak as much as I can about recovery and how to overcome addiction one day at a time.
On September 24, 2013, I was sentenced for a charge for something that happened in 2011. The Lord told me it would be okay and that He would not put old with new. I walked in faith because I believe what He tells me. On December 2 I was awarded custody of my son which I had not had since May 2011. I continue to speak and build unchained praises. I continue to look to God for my structure and my guidance and to recall memories of Tim and the things he shared about the Lord.
I know that addiction does not make you a bad person. We can be wonderful people if given the chance to do so. Motivation is the key to recovery. With God leading the way, we are going to be fine.
“Wonderful”
how wonderful life is since I am clean
how wonderful my heart feels to finally be free
how wonderful the stars that light my way
how wonderful the smile feels on my face
how wonderful this world is now I see
all of these things God has truly given to me
I stand here today heroin free