The Constraints of Addiction
I had my first drink and drug when I was twelve. That was the day, I unleashed the beast…my addiction. I knew that I enjoyed the feeling and the high. It wasn’t until my teens that I began using regularly. It was fun and I was going along with the crowd. All my friends were doing it and it was like a rite of passage in the small southern middle Tennessee town that I grew up in. Every weekend was a party. Extreme plans were made during the week to acquire what we needed for the weekend. It was the early 80’s, prior to pictures being on your personal driver’s license. Everyone had a fake ID and if you didn’t, you knew where to get one or where to go to get what you wanted for the right price. This was the first time in my life where I could taste the beginning of my independence. Who knew that the decisions I made as a young teen eventually turned to full blown addiction as my life progressed.
College was an endless party for me. Each night of the week, a different bar would have some type of drink special that would pack the place each night. It was a rite of passage. However, most people out grow this time in their lives as they graduate and move into their careers. Unfortunately for me, my partying time continued after graduation into my career life and the beast grew larger. It was during this time that I noticed how I had to make modifications to my addiction. I had to make myself stop drinking at a certain time to make sure I could get up and go to work the next morning. I managed my sick days to take care of those mornings that I could not stop drinking the night before and was too hungover to go to work the next day. The beast also morphed into other characteristics and personalities. It developed into lies, lost friendships, strained family relationships, debt and depression.
The beast grew and grew until it was bigger than myself. At the end of my addiction, I found myself confined to home surrounded only by drugs and alcohol. What started out as a party and fun ended up in isolation, depression and despair. My addiction had caused be to alienate myself from my outside world and interactions with others. Any interactions with others fueled my anxiety. When the party ended, I found myself alone, broken and addicted.
Living a life in recovery is the polar opposite of a life in addiction. I am no longer confined to my own inner sanctum. I thrive in interactions with others. I wake up each day with optimism and hope and look forward to what each adventure will bring into my life. By living life in recovery, I am no longer chained to the confinements of addiction.
If you would like to share your story with Heroes in Recovery, there are two ways you can do it. You can hit the share button on the home page or contact me via email at bo@heroesinrecovery.com. When you share your story you are inspiring others to help break the stigma associated with addiction and mental health issues.
Much love,
Bo