The Friends You Make
I always look forward to spending time with friends. It doesn’t matter where we go, as long as we have time to talk and catch up with each other. It is a time to share, socialize and reconnect. No matter which friend or group of friends I am spending time with, it is rejuvenating for me emotionally, and I hope they feel the same.
What is a friend? There are many definitions, but I like to think of it as a relationship I have with another person who shares interests or life experiences. These things can allow us a common ground on which to develop a deeper relationship, built with trust, honesty and compassion for one another. With that as groundwork, it will allow us both to grow, respect and support each other.
I am no different than most. I have many different groups of people that I spend time with. Our connection may be from school, work, church, meetings, the gym, the neighborhood or childhood. Do I consider them all friends? Probably not. Some are acquaintances that I’ve met through another friend but never had my own connection with. Others may be a friend during a certain period in my life as we shared a job or class. As my life ebbs and flows and goes through changes, so have some of my friendships. Certain people that I thought were friends never really were, based on my definition of friendship now. Others, who were friends from my childhood, have returned to my life after many years because we can now be who we are. We are far from the same people, but those core requirements of trust, honesty and caring for another are still there. There is much to be said for trusting your childhood instincts as to who you want to be friends with. Then there are all those people in between that I have met over time. All have been important in my life in both good and bad ways. I have been important in their lives as well. Some are no longer in my life but have enriched it still to this day. There are others who helped me learn hard lessons and are now gone. Then there are those who go in and out of my life, but we pick up where we left off when we are reunited.
The most recent group of friends that I have made is the group of people connected to my journey of recovery. This new group would never have become part of my life without the shared experience of a family member’s addiction. As time passes, the number of people I am introduced to, both those in recovery and those supporting it, grows by leaps and bounds. What I found to be different about this group of friends is they are actively working to be the type of friend in my definition. This is not because they weren’t someone’s friend before. But when you truly work a program of recovery, this is who you become. Trust, honesty and caring are your cornerstones. They allow you to be a friend to all through sharing at meetings and helping each other grow with respect and support.
When someone is in treatment, it is recommended that they let go of old friends. I suggest the family members consider whether they should do the same. I hope you will consider the question, “Why do we need true friends?” In recovery, that is a question we all need to contemplate as it can make the difference between a strong recovery and letting our disease tell us lies.