What’s the Point?
I missed the point in many things during my active addiction. Clarity was not on my side. Now during my sober days, things pop into my mind and I get it. Just think how much easier my day to day life would have been if I had gotten it back then. The fact that I missed the point back then makes me feel really good about seeing the point now.
Here are a few examples of me missing the point:
The point of recovery is not to feel constantly denied of something that everyone else gets to have. The point of recovery is not to feel like an invisible straight jacket has been put on you. I don’t remember being told that I would eventually stop missing drugs and alcohol and be ok with who I was.
My idea of recovery was that I would change everything about my life but I would always want to drink and do drugs. For me, that would equal death. Many of us have missed the point on that one. Rather than living a life based on what you can’t do, let’s focus on what we get to do as sober individuals. The point is to give kindness, compassion and encouragement to those who are suffering, so they can feel better about themselves. When we see good working for others, we want to do good. And when we do good, we feel better and don’t need to do anything to change the way we feel.
The point of having garden boxes was not for the abundance of fresh vegetables, although it’s been nice. It was for the action of caring enough about something to nurture it. I was not capable of caring that much while in addiction. Watering everyday and checking on the plants is priceless therapy.
The point of having pictures on your fridge is not to brag. It’s to have a visual image that brings back a good feeling. My fridge has always been covered with photos of kids, grandkids, other people and other things. There were never pictures of me. Those pics would have brought back ill feelings. My excuse was that I was the cameraman. But now, there are current pics of me and my friends on the fridge. They were taken after I went to treatment. I started to feel strange about having my pics out there for all to see, but now I’m proud of myself! Sobriety is a becoming look for anyone and it feels good.
The point of attending support group meetings and working the steps is not to constantly want someone else’s life, to let others see how far you’ve come or to show how well you work a program. The idea that spending enough time in those rooms will cause you to reach a point where you can wrap up recovery is missing the point! You’ve got to go the distance. The point is to feel safe and connected with others who have clearly suffered like we have and grow with them. The point is to find your path and enjoy the long and winding road that leads to your door. And the point of the principles of the 12 steps is to practice them in all aspects of our lives.
The point of inviting friends into your home is not so they can see all the stuff you’ve accumulated. Nor is it for your friends to think you are superwoman and you can do it all. The point is for you to feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable. To say, “yes, this is me.” I have wanted to have some new friends over for months but I wanted everything in its place. I wanted it just so, but that day will ever come. I like a home that I can flop down in and I want my friends to feel they can flop down too. One of my friends told me, “I feel comfortable here. I feel like I’m in the middle of a big ole catcher’s mitt.” Quite the compliment, right? When I remembered that being said, I invited friends over for next week.
What’s the point? Well, here’s the point. I missed the point on a lot of things, and maybe you have too. I think if we slow down and pause, we could see the more positive point of things. But that’s just my point of view.
What’s your point of view on missing the point?