What I Wish I Knew Then
I know a lot about drugs, addiction and recovery now. I also know about loss: the loss of a son to drugs. I didn’t become educated until after my son died, but I am finding that’s pretty typical. Here’s what I want every parent to know now, not when it’s too late:
Addiction can happen in your family. It can happen in any family. I don’t care how successful you are, how religious you are, how strict you are, how much money you have or how involved you are in your child’s life. It can happen. My own son grew up with two parents who adored him. He lived in a nice neighborhood, had lots of friends, got straight A’s in school and was kind and sensitive. It is naive and dangerous to think it can’t happen to your family.
Know your children’s whereabouts. Know their friends and their friends’ parents.
Be vigilant for signs of substance abuse. Physical signs of substance abuse include the following:
• Bloodshot eyes
• Pinprick or dilated pupils
• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
• Deterioration of physical appearance; becoming very thin or unhealthy looking
• Unusual smells on breath, body or clothing
• Slurred speech or “nodding off”
Behavioral signs of substance abuse include the following:
• Change in circle of friends
• Change in personality including becoming moody, withdrawn or angry
• Secretiveness
• Loss of interest in job and hobbies
• Use of eye drops
Take action while you can. Once they are 18, you lose the ability to take action on their behalf. If you suspect your child has a drug problem, chances are he or she does. It is very easy to slip into denial at this point. Please don’t do it. Talk to a substance abuse/rehab hotline and get their advice, or talk to your family doctor, a therapist or drug counselor. You need professional guidance and help. Do not fall into the illusion that, “all the kids do it” or, “he will grow out of it.” You cannot fix this on your own, and support is absolutely essential.
You need not and should not feel shame. Addiction is a disease, not a moral shortcoming. It actually changes the brain chemistry. This is a proven fact. Stigma has no place in the world of addictions.
You don’t have to face this alone! I found incredible strength through support groups. I was able to gain great wisdom from people who had walked in my shoes and found a way to still have a life despite the chaos all around them. You can find plenty of meetings by looking on the internet or in a phone book. Don’t suffer alone.
A word about naloxone: This drug, also known by the name Narcan, is used to counteract the effects of an opiate overdose. It works by neutralizing the opioids in the user’s system and helps them breathe again. Naloxone will only work on opioids. It does not produce any kind of high and is safe for almost everyone. It is my opinion that it is a real life saver, and groups are working to make its distribution easy and often free. Anyone who uses or knows someone who uses opiates should carry one of these kits. In North Carolina you can get one for free. Check with your own state to see if naloxone is readily available, and, if so, get it.
Would all this knowledge have saved my son? Only heaven knows. Addiction is complicated and tricky, but I feel it is far better to be armed with the facts when you are fighting a force this powerful. Just as you wouldn’t go into battle unarmed, you should not face addiction unarmed. We have an epidemic of substance abuse in this country, and we must be informed, strong and willing to take action in our own homes. It may save you from becoming the parent of casualty.
In memory of all the beautiful souls who lost the battle,
Pam