- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
What brought you to the Moments of Change Conference?
I have just come out of the recovery closet last January. I have eighteen years in sobriety. I hadn’t told anybody in my business world. I am an entrepreneur and I’ve written and illustrated a book inspired by recovery called, “We Inspired a Caterpillar at a Crossroad”. The message of the book is that we are never alone. Even when we think we are, we have guidance within. We have what we need, in us, to become a magnificent butterfly. Together we can do it. That’s what recovery has been for me.
What was the turning point that made you come out?
I wrote and illustrated the book and marketed it. Then a year later I heard within my heart, “start a group called We Can.” You hear it in the program all the time. We empower, collaborate and network. I was a solo entrepreneur, so I started this group and I’ve been doing it for 4 years.
Last January I heard, “it is time for you to come out about this because it’s a very unusual networking group.” We connect with source first–whatever your source is– we connect our authentic self with them, then we connect with each other. We grow our businesses, our lives and relationships.
That mental part I am preaching is for people to “be yourself, don’t be anybody else, be you, the world is waiting for you”. I wasn’t being 100% me (in addiction, and in hiding my recovery). I am really an honest person but I was hiding something.
I went to the capitol in Atlanta and they were doing a substance abuse rally day where everybody goes. It was so great. There were like 300 people in the capitol cheering about being in recovery and letting the senators literally hear. That day on Facebook I came out. My kids were like, “what the…” I just said, “Y’all know anyway. A lot of your friends know.”
I felt like my world was shifting in a way. I heard a source say, “these are where your gifts are”. I coach. I’ve got to be a recovery coach and I said, “Source, if I’m going to be a recovery coach, you’ve got to bring me a mentor because I can’t do this solo.” Low and behold, Heather H. who I went to school with and we both got kicked out of the same class appears. I hadn’t seen her for 30 something years.
She had seen me on Facebook and messaged me and said, “I see you’re a coach.” (This was before I came out.) She asked, “Are you sober? I heard you were.” Then she said she only hires sober people. We got together in June. Source provided the mentor. She asked if I’d like to work as a sober coach so I started. This is my first conference. I do this work with Heather in this capacity and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel. I mean it is intense work.
How old are your kids?
My kids are 16, 20 and 23.
How has it changed your recovery path?
I feel full because I have embraced all of me and I’m embracing my gifts. I’m not a therapist; I’m not a clinician or any of that. I am a sober coach. My role and reason to be here is to love you. I’m here to take the shame out of this. You’re not alone and that you won’t ever be alone if you choose it. It is an honor to be picked out to be here. How amazing is that? As I have embraced my recovery and let go of my shame of my recovery than I can help you with my gifts. My message is from our mess. It’s been life changing to come out.
What has the response been?
I let my team of about 40 know that I have been in recovery for 18 years and a survivor of sexual abuse. They all clapped. The source tells me when you forget about who you are, look at everyone around you. Look what’s being mirrored back.
What words of encouragement would you give to someone who is struggling and who maybe hasn’t found recovery?
Honestly, that it is a much bigger deal to your ego than it is to people out there. Wherever you find your tribe, whether it’s in a 12-step program or church or temple, you will find people that love you. If you haven’t gotten to recovery yet, stay in your body because your body will enable you to make choices that support you and your wellness. There is so much help out there and you can find people to support you.
What was the turning point for you that lead you to start what is now 18 years of recovery?
My sister got into the program one year before me. I went home to visit family in Atlanta and my sister said, “I want to tell you something about our grandfather.” I said, “I know.” She said, “No, you don’t know.” I said, “Yes, I know.”
We were both molested by my grandfather and never had spoken of it. I was 35 at that time, she was 37. She then found recovery. We had always had alcohol and drug problems. We started drinking at a very, very young. Age 12 and full on by 14.
I didn’t drink when I was pregnant so I thought, well I must not be an alcoholic. I was a binge drinker more so than an everyday drinker. Every kind of drug I did, I did in excess. My sister got into 12-step support. She started calling me telling me that it’s a family disease. Then over time I saw her growing. Eventually, I wanted what she had. I was grateful. I had found the answer. I could never drink or drug like other people. I’ve seen in my work with Heather that one person can make a difference. A person that has enough courage to say, “I don’t want to see you die.”
What was the first step that you took to get into recovery? A meeting? Etc.
This is before cell phones and I was in Coronado, CA. I was driving down Orange Ave. and my sister had said to call the 12-step group. I couldn’t even get home that day. I lived five blocks from where I was. I used a pay phone to call the group and said, “This is Pam. I have a problem and I need to know where meetings are.” They said, “turn around and walk two blocks and you will see a club house.”
So, I ran the other way. It took me three more months after that in 1997. When the time came I went to that club house. After going for about a week I heard my story from a women and I thought she had a million years clean, but she only had 30 days. She would call me every day and leave me messages if we didn’t connect. She was my angel.