- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
Growing up in rural farm country of western Kentucky as a child with alcoholism on both sides of his family, Phillip had his first real drunk at about the age of twelve with friends. “Looking back today on my life, I can see that at age 15 I had alcoholic tendencies. I wanted always to drink more than others, drink faster and finish all that was left. Even then, I mainly only drank on weekends,” said Philip about his teenage years. The habit stayed pretty moderate all through his college years. He had a clear goal he wanted to reach and worked intensively towards it. He became a nurse anesthetist and after he finished all his school he felt it was his time to party. He felt that he met all his goals, had his education, a wife, a baby, had a job, bought a farm and started to build a big white house on the hill. Still, he was not happy. He felt a big hole inside him and did not know where it was coming from. He filled it up with alcohol.
He only felt the ultimate need to change once his job was threatened. On that day, his four bosses sat him down and told him that what he was doing was not working any longer. They gave him the choice to get help or get fired. He never missed work, never came drunk to work, but he was constantly drinking big amounts in the short periods where he was not working or not on call—it had finally started to show in his behavior. He was always angry, acting out in anger, irritable, restless, clashing with co-workers, and his shakes started to get noticed. His window of drinking outside working hours was small, so during those windows of time, he would get totally hammered.
Phillip entered a 12-step fellowship and put together several stretches of about eight months of sobriety each time until he relapsed again. “I came in five minutes before a meeting and left right away when it was over. I never got involved in the fellowship and really only came to get my family off my case. I was not honest with myself,” Phillip says. The relationship with his wife went downhill as he was either working or drunk, and she kicked him out of the family home at several occasions, up to six months at a time.
Phillip had over three decades of drinking when at age 48 he finally found sobriety as he entered a treatment center near Nashville to find the help he needed to stop. As he came back he entered an outpatient aftercare program and got really engaged in the 12-step fellowship with functions in his home group. During his aftercare therapy session the counselor asked him one day “Where is God for you?” Phillip didn’t say anything, but looked up. The counselor said immediately “No, God is in here.” and pointed at his chest. That was the moment where everything changed for Phillip. He realized that religion and spirituality is not the same, but they can compliment one another in life and in his sobriety. His praying has changed since and today he loves to just thank God for the opportunities he has given him and continues to give him in his life. “There is so much more to quitting drinking, than just quitting drinking,” states Phillip.
His relationships at home with his wife and his daughtersnare getting better and he really loves his new outlook on life and his new approach at work. “I’m more responsible today; I let go a lot of anger and guilt. I’m learning how to be a dad, a friend, a brother, a son, and a husband today,” states Phillip, “I didn’t know how to love. My life concept was all about me.”