Truth or Dare
I came across an article: “What Abuse Survivors Don’t Know: 10 Life-Changing Truths”. What could I glean from this, after all, I have gone through hours and hours of counseling. Not only that, I have already gone through the steps of “forgiveness”. I am a Christian, I know what the Bible says about “forgiveness”! My father and I have even gone through the steps of “forgiveness”. Why do I have the need to read another article about survivorship? Why do I find myself continually drawn towards this subject over and over? Is it because we, as humans, never truly feel worthy or need constant reassurance?
Let’s begin to explore this article about survivorship together, because isn’t healing easier when we engage others in the process! Here is the first truth on our journey to healing: “It was not your fault”. Okay, that is easier said than done. After all, we have been blaming ourselves for a long time, how do we just stop, over night? We don’t! It is a process of accepting. For me, my journey started with accepting God. If He loves me, how could or why would I not love myself! I must be worthy of something! However, I had to convince myself that I was worth enough to begin the process of renewal, but I didn’t have to do it alone. It took strength and it took courage, and I can tell you, it took a great deal to reach out, and ask for help. Fortunately, I had family and friends, but I had to take the first step, and it was hard! There were so many times I thought, “Can’t I work on someone else? I’m a nurse, that’s what we do best!”
But I did it! I took the first step off the ledge. I swore to start new, again, and I refused to play the “blame game”, and that went both ways. I had to accept responsibility for my own actions, and learn to forgive myself, learn to let go. None of us are perfect. Even those people who appear to “have it all”, don’t really. It took many years of growth to realize, I don’t need a fancy car or a big house, to be happy. I only need to believe in myself and strive to be happy, by trusting God, for it to all fall into place. I know that sounds ideal, but I promise you, I have had rough times, when I thought I needed more, and I have had times when I thought I had enough, but somehow still wanted more. Please believe me, the times when I had very little were the best times, with the least amount of worry. However, back to starting anew, I knew if I failed, I would just start over and continue to try again and again and again, because I am not perfect, and it is not my fault!