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Submitted by: Marta Mrotek
How did you find out about Heroes in Recovery?
I was looking on the Active website and thought the Gilbert Heroes 6K race would be perfect for me right now because last year at this time I was not in a good spot. It’s really when my journey began and I decided it would be a great way to end the year and closing that chapter with a good outlook on the year to come. Coming out here doing this on my own reminds me that I made it through the year and encourages me that I know I can make it even further if I just keep going.
How did your journey begin?
It took many years. I really didn’t think I had any substance addiction, I just thought I was having fun. But it did start to interfere with my life. I lost my daughter. She decided that I was out of control. I had been open with her about what I was doing and we had talked about it. Eventually she thought she would be in a better place with her father who was not using anything to get through the day. My fiancé, he was my boyfriend at the time, had alcoholics in his family and he told me straight out that he didn’t want to watch me die. Even then I didn’t see that it was real. I couldn’t see that it was me. I just had a regular time that I was just relaxing and I couldn’t remember anything the next day. I was starting to get worse, drinking throughout the week. I would go to work hung over, and sometimes even a little bit drunk, and be afraid for people to smell me and know what I was doing. My family didn’t really know exactly what was going on. I kept everything to myself as much as I could. So this one particular night I started out with a bottle of wine and had a glass. When that one was gone I thought to myself that I’d just have one more but when I went back to the bottle it was gone. I got really angry that it was gone, looking around for it until I found it in the trash, not realizing that I had already finished it. It was upsetting so I figured why not have another drink to calm down. It was out of control. Finally I could see for myself what I was really doing. The next Monday I went to work and I was just ready to climb out of my skin. I thought about how I was going to get help without everyone knowing. I was afraid for anyone to know. It was embarrassing. I thought I would disappoint my entire family and I hated to imagine what my mom would think of me. So I looked online for resources and there was Alcoholics Anonymous. I found the nearest meeting and right after work I went. That was January 7th of 2014 and from then on I just kept going.
Do you have one piece of advice or inspiration that you’d like to share?
It was hard for me to participate at first but I still went. I think people should know that it’s okay to do that. You don’t have to talk but you should still just go. Sometimes just listening to others helped me realize that I wasn’t by myself. Even though everybody’s story was different there was always at least one thing that stood out and I knew that was me. For three months I kept to myself, listening and crying, but I kept going.
Is there anything else you’d like to share about how you life is different?
My daughter came home on 12/18/15, on my mom’s birthday and my birthday was the week after. December 2015 was a very moving month for me. My boyfriend came back and proposed to me. I’m still absolutely clean, I don’t even smoke anymore. If I have a stressful day I go to a meeting. I finally told my mom everything that happened and I never would have thought that I could do that. It’s been very freeing. The Gilbert Heroes 6Ks race meant so much to me because I really didn’t think I would make it at all and I feel pretty sure that I would have died. I was so far into medicating myself, feeling alone and like I was going to lose my mind or have to find a way to free myself from the pain… But it’s better to live. It’s better to fight. It’s a struggle to go through so many emotions and at first it was a horrible rollercoaster but once you start dealing with it and not running away you feel more awake and so alive. This year I did so many things for the first time sober. Sometimes that was humbling and it was pretty amazing to experience. I’m happy and I’m so excited I crossed that finish line. I know it’s just the beginning for me and I know the future is going to be even sweeter.