- Alcohol
- Faith
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
First of all, my heart goes out to anyone who is living with an addict. There are so many emotions that come into play for the loved ones living with an addict. It was embarrassing. Embarrassment was probably one of first emotions I felt. I was raised in a home with a supporting, religious family. I have two brothers and one sister. We grew up in a loving, caring household. Our mother did not work outside the house. She made sure we attended church, used our manners and respected our elders. What a strong foundation. (God bless you, Mom.)
When I was blessed with two daughters, I knew that was the foundation I wanted to give my own children. That was exactly what I strived for. Well, sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do, things don’t turn out the way you plan. Children do not come with instructions, so we do the best we can and disappointment sometimes still follows.
I saw a difference in my daughter when she was a sophomore in high school. Her dad and I were called to the school several times about her behavior. I never considered myself as a mom with her head in the sand, but guess what? I was that kind of mother. I knew there were behavior changes, but my daughter always convinced me she was not doing anything wrong. At this point my gut instinct was strongly saying, “Something is wrong.” I brushed off the feeling and considered myself a paranoid mother. Everything went downhill from there.
There is a time when all a mother can do is sit home and pray. Several years went by, as I watched my daughter pull further and further away from the family. I felt helpless, almost giving up on her. She blessed me with a wonderful grandson. For a couple of years, she seemed to be doing (better) or at least I thought so. She seemed to call only when she wanted me to keep her son or for money.
One day she brought this person to my house and wanted me to meet him. You talk about a gut instinct; mine went into overdrive. I knew without a doubt this guy was not who my girl needed to be with. Of course, there was no reasoning with her. “This guy is great,” she would tell me. He just needed someone to care for him and be there for him. At that point, she spiraled down quickly.
Late one evening in June, I received a phone call. It was a horrible call telling me my daughter was in jail. ‘Jail?’ I thought. I have never known anyone that has gone to jail. And here was my own flesh and blood sitting in jail. Well, that night was full of tears and heartache. By the next morning, my girl started calling several times a day asking me to post bond. After a whole night in prayer and a wonderful husband at my side, we decided not to be hasty or post bond. I was hurt, broken, and confused. My daughter was taking drugs and there was nothing I could do about it.
That following January was the utmost worst month of my life. The father of my grandson was taking my daughter to court for custody of their son. At this point, I was getting to keep my grandson several days a week. I was so happy to be part of my grandson’s life. Court day arrived and I was going to testify against my daughter where my grandson’s dad would have custody. That was the sickest day of my life. I prayed God would take over and speak through me. I knew my girl would hate me but I also had to make sure my grandson was in good hands. My prayer was that she would someday forgive me. I still to this day tear up when I think of that day.
I am sure God was working his perfect plan though out all this time, but I sure did not feel like he was. I kept telling myself, “Pray without ceasing.” Pray, believing God will deliver. March 2015, I began to see small changes for the better. My girl began to communicate with me in a different way. I saw her open up more freely to me. The one thing I could not change was that boyfriend. I let her know I was there. I told her frequently that she could come home. I told her I was praying for her several times a day. I just loved her. I could not give up on her. I could still see hope. I kept telling myself, “If I don’t love her, who will?” She gave up the hard drugs, but still struggled with legal mood altering substances in her life.
God did preform a miracle for us. My girl is back! She is clean and sober today, gave up everything and has a different boyfriend in her life, who is in recovery as well. She is caring, loving, and open with me. She cares about being with the family and moved back home. We welcomed her with open arms. We are now working on trust. It’s amazing how quickly the trust comes back. It is such a pleasure to see her smile, laugh, and relax. She is now rebuilding her relationship with her son. It’s awesome to see the progress daily. There is hope. We thank God daily for giving us our girl back. We can never change what happened but we can look forward to a wonderful life as we carry on.
Lea Ann