- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Chris Freeman
My nephew.
If I had a son, I would want my son to be everything my nephew is, kind, considerate, compassionate, thoughtful, all heart. The day is very clear in my heart and mind. The day he told me he was addicted to drugs. The onset of emotions began.
I FELT SADNESS….such deep sadness, knowing my nephew had suffered all alone in his addiction for so many years!! I FELT GUILT. How could I have NOT known?? How could I have missed this? IF I had only known, I could’ve done something to help him! I FELT ANGRY that drugs had mercilessly robbed my nephew of life, job, peace and relationships. I felt angry that drugs had such power to actually dictate like a master, manipulating any way it wanted to get what it wanted. I FELT DESPERATE to do something, anything, just to get my nephew the help he needed to get him well. I FELT GRIEF. I remember sobbing uncontrollably, relentless grief, over the likelihood of my nephew dying from his drug addiction. I FELT FEAR over the uncertainty of what was going to happen. After my nephew’s rehab, he came to live with me for 6 months. There were many mornings that his bedroom door was shut and it was my constant fear that perhaps he relapsed and died because I didn’t hear any sounds coming from his bedroom. The fear was paralyzing. I FELT DIVIDED and found it difficult to continue to live my own life and find balance because I was so focused on my nephew’s recovery.
Looking back, it has been an incredible journey, with many ups and downs, level plains, curves and twists. I continue to be amazed that while walking down the path of my nephew’s recovery, it has become a personal journey of recovery for me as well, in a completely different way. I FEEL JOY. Joy in my own emotional recovery, and joy that my nephew has been clean and sober for 2 years and 5 months. I FEEL INSPIRED as I continue to see my nephew work his program and help others, embracing his own recovery one day at a time. I FEEL THANKFUL for just today. Thankful that I have the power to choose how I will live my life, and thankful for the wonderful relationship I have with my nephew and his sweet family today. I FEEL HUMBLED that out of the ashes beauty can rise. Although I am a work in progress, I am learning to embrace the truth of who I am, my weaknesses and strengths. I am still learning that while my nephew’s recovery is certainly part of my own story, I mustn’t make his recovery everything. It isn’t healthy for him nor myself. Never stop going and never stop believing in something that is so worthwhile, the journey of recovery. The pain of it all paves the way for wholeness in ways that can’t be measured.