- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
Submitted by: Abby Foster
My brother started using substances in middle school. He didn’t start with the big things, but you could see the behavioral and attitude change starting back then. It became a sore spot because my mom and I both stay away from all substances. (I’ve never even smoked a cigarette, smoked weed, whatever.) But my dad and my brother had the same struggle.
Once my brother got started using substances, he showed a complete attitude change. He already had issues– bipolar disorder and ADHD, but it was just a complete and total change in the household dynamic. He’s the kind of person who wants everyone else to be in the same mood he is in. If he’s mad, he will act grumpy until everybody else is mad. If he’s happy, he gets upset if we aren’t as happy as he is. So it’s like however he feels, he expects us to feel that way.
It is important to find support to get through this. Me and my mom are really close. We rely on each other for support and we can talk about anything with each other. When things get tough with my brother we talk together about what is going on. We share how we feel and we try telling my brother how we are feeling, too. You can’t do this alone and there is no reason to.
To other families who are struggling I would say, “Don’t get mad. They’re not who they are whenever they’re high or going through withdrawal. It’s not them.”
My brother has stolen from me and my mom, but I know that’s not him. He’ll look back and be like, “Oh my God. I cannot believe that happened.” It’s not them– your loved one. They can’t control it. They are sick. It is a disease. The substance will completely take control of them. You can’t control them or cure them. Whenever they need support, give it, but don’t enable them. Whenever they ask you for money, don’t give them money. Give them food. Feed them and love them.”
Remind them of who they are. One time my brother was at a rehab facility and there was a family meeting. I brought up a conversation my brother and I had where he just stopped and looked at me and said, “You know what? Me and you are as close as two people can be because we have the same mom, same dad, we grew up together. It’s just us. There’s nobody as close as we are with our blood.” I share that story. You have to just say things that will open up their eyes and remind them of who they truly are.
To the people who are suffering themselves, remember that the people who love you loved you before all of this, they love you through it even if you cannot feel it, and they will love you after. And even though it’s really hard not to take out your anger or whatever on them, remember who they are to you and that they do love you and that they do want to help and that you do have a support system.