- Drugs
Jenn Smith’s Story
I read all the parenting books and blogs. I tried calmly talking and I tried yelling. I tried getting individual therapy for my daughter to help her with her addiction. I tried family therapy with my husband, my daughter and myself. I took my daughter to outpatient drug and alcohol treatment programs and NA meetings. I was the mom who never missed a meeting at school, a chorus concert, an art show or a soccer game. None of that had any effect on my daughter’s consistent lack of good decision-making that led her into the legal system and eventually to no longer living in my home. Then I asked myself, “Now what? Did I fail as a parent? Did I fail as a person?” At first there was nothing and no one who could make me believe differently. I was a failure. I asked myself time and time again, “What am I doing wrong?” or “What else can I do?” The truth was this: NOTHING.
There is was nothing I could do once addiction had taken over my daughter’s life. That is not to say that I stopped trying to support her recognizing the need to get sober and finding the path to WANTING to get sober. I would never give up on her. However, I learned that that addiction is more powerful than love. It is more powerful than the fear of any punishment. It is more powerful than self-esteem. It is more powerful than any words can describe. My daughter is coming to the end of a 9-12 month sentence for breaking her house arrest. She has been fortunate enough to receive intense therapy during her time away from home. She was clean and sober for one year on June 16th. Those numbers don’t add up? She has been out of our home for more than a year now. She was first removed from our home by Children and Youth for her own safety. After nearly three months of having a 14 year-old running the streets for days at a time, I called C&Y and asked them for help to keep her safe. She wouldn’t allow me to keep her safe. She was a minor. I had to call in help. Just before she was taken into C&Y custody, I found some crushed up white powder in a container in her room one day while she was out. I called the police. They came and took the powder. They tested it. It was oxycodone. She was charged with possession. Just after coming home from a 45-day C&Y placement, she received 60 days of house arrest for the possession charge. Within the first 48 hours, she violated her probation and then received the 9-12 month sentence she is now serving.
Addiction and my family have been on this journey together for some time now, and I understand that with addiction there is no end to the road, there is only learning how to travel safely. I share my story for loved ones of addicts out there who aren’t as far along in their journey with addiction as I am. It is to tell them that they will be O.K. They will sleep, smile and even laugh again. There is hope that the addict you love will seek and receive the intense therapy and addiction counseling for which you’ve been searching. It is also to say that before addiction came knocking on MY door, I thought I knew what it was. Before addiction came knocking on MY door, I thought addiction didn’t happen in families like mine. Before addiction came knocking on MY door, I thought addicts were just weak people who made bad choices and deserved whatever they got. All not true.
Addiction can happen to anyone, anyplace, anytime, anywhere. Addicts aren’t “those people,” they are daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, cousins. They are loved by someone. My daughter is an addict. That is one of the most difficult sentences I’ve ever had to write. What I know in my head does not want to be accepted by my heart and certainly does not want to be read by my eyes. However, not facing the truth does not change it. Not having the courage to take my experiences and find a positive way for them to possibly help others only gives the addiction more power. The addiction will never again have power over me!