- Mental Health
When I hit rock bottom, I thought my life was over. I didn’t have the strength, the energy or the will to live. Death was foremost in my mind. Suicide seemed like the only way out. I went into treatment despondent, fearing that nothing would change.
In the beginning, I was firmly rooted in my misery. My old thought patterns and habits were so ingrained that I couldn’t fathom any other way. I was asked repeatedly if that was really what I wanted for myself. At first I didn’t know the answer to that question. It took nearly two and a half months of residential treatment for me to decide that I was ready to change. I couldn’t love myself, and so I left that task up to my treatment team. My transformation took time and energy and persistence. I had to learn that the coping skills I was cultivating had to be UTILIZED in order for change to happen.
With significant prompting and repetition, I soon found myself breathing, grounding myself and pausing to reflect. I learned that I needed to reach out and ask for help. As I practiced these skills and countless others, I soon learned that I could handle my feelings. I was slowly gaining mastery. That revelation led to the belief that growth was possible and that there was meaning in life. Today I am a totally different person than when I walked into treatment. I have self-confidence and self-esteem. I act with intentional awareness. I am honest with myself and others. All of this came from crawling out from my despair. For the opportunities I’ve had, I am eternally grateful.