When sitting down to interview Campbell, I was expecting to hear her brother’s story of recovery. As we talked, we agreed that this was more than Kyle’s story. The story consists of a brother and sister, the life they shared and how they each took a different road to recovery that brought them back together.
Campbell and Kyle were born only 18 months apart. Soon after he was born, their parents divorced, and they were raised by a loving mother. It was an upbringing devoid of a positive male figure. Visitation with their father was every other week through their teen years. At a very young age, they feared their visits to their dad’s as he expressed himself through physical violence, and verbal and emotional abuse. They were not allowed to have toys, TV or friends while visiting and had to bring a suitcase with their clothes as nothing was provided for them. As young children, they did not tell anyone what was going on during these visits, but found comfort from the sadness and fear by being there for each other. They found entertainment and escape by playing in the woods around the house. Being together meant safety for each other.
Their mother provided a loving home but did not understand their moodiness when they returned from their father’s. They both started to develop their own ways to cope with the chaos in their lives. Campbell had the image of the perfect child, by being well behaved and making great grades in school. Her teachers liked her and that became her safety net. At the same time, she was developing an eating disorder. Kyle took another direction. Although a talented athlete, his grades always suffered and he acted out to get attention. Around the 7th grade, he started smoking marijuana and drinking with friends. He picked up the abusive behavior of his dad and turned it on the sister he previously protected. He apparently had also picked up the addictive gene that followed their dad’s side of the family.
As his use continued to escalate, their mom focused on Kyle and minimized what was happening. Even the loss of 13 cars by the time he was 21 did not bring about consequences and the enabling continued. At this point, Campbell felt invisible and unheard. She felt that being abused seemed better than not being seen at all.
As a young woman of 18, Campbell jumped at the opportunity to go away to college. She was able to leave her current life behind and work on becoming the person she wanted to be. She distanced the relationship she had with her brother. While enjoying college life, she recognized the need to work on the issues of her childhood. While getting her education, she also went to therapy and started to understand and heal her wounds.
Kyle continued his addicted lifestyle and was now buying and selling drugs. He had two DUIs with mild consequences. But it wasn’t until he realized that he could go to jail for a long time due to harassing phone calls he made, that he finally asked for help. He told Campbell that the calls were made out of utter loneliness and not having a connection to anyone. He was ready to try another way.
While he had been getting worse, she was getting better. Her desire for someone to provide the opportunity to be heard drove her to her professional calling. She became a counselor and eventually came into the field of addiction. During Kyle’s active addiction, he thought his sister’s profession was a joke. When he was ready for help, however, she was the first one he called.
They worked out a treatment plan along with the advice of Campbell’s colleagues. He was to do everything he was told in treatment. He could live with his sister for one month, as long as he never missed treatment, went to a meeting every day, took out the trash and kept his room clean. Campbell, Kyle, along with their mom and stepdad, attended the family therapy segment of treatment every week for three months. Things started working. Kyle has now been clean for two years and has a loving relationship with his sister. Campbell has further healed the resentment and emotional pain of her past. She is grateful to now have a wonderful brother in her life and hopes he remains in her life.
During the years of working on our own recovery processes, we learn many things. Campbell knows that “love is amazing but it does not treat the addiction.” She is done being taken advantage of. The advice she would like to impart to others is to “go do your own work.” She says that “the person in treatment is the identified patient, but the big news is that it is a family disease, and the disease impacts us more than we are conscious of.”
She believes that “I am only responsible for me” and that “love does not equal responsibility.” “My own treatment, recovery, meetings, therapy and prayer are what healing has been for me,” Campbell says. She is the happiest she has ever been. I imagine Kyle feels the same way. Campbell and Kyle no longer run to the woods out of fear, but as a place of healing, peace, comfort and connection.