- Alcohol
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, as drunk as I am.
I do not like the person I’ve become.
Being this wasted is no longer fun.
Would you like to be happy, joyous and free?
I cannot be happy and joyous, you see?
I said I’m a drunk.
Didn’t you hear me?
Would you like to embrace your past,
Never wishing to shut its door?
I hate my pathetic past.
Now, that’s for damn sure.
What’s with all the questions?
You’re quickly becoming a bore!
I’m a hopeless drunk, that’s all I’ll ever be.
I’m nothing like you and I never will be.
I can help you find peace, find serenity!
There’s no such thing as serenity.
And now that you’ve ruined my peace,
Just shut up and leave me alone.
Or buy me a drink at least.
I am an alcoholic, drinking is what I do.
I don’t expect you to understand because I am nothing like you.
You’re much more than that but right now you can’t see.
You’ve hit the bottom of the scale and that’s your tool to be free.
Are you calling me a scumbag?
Do you think I’m lower than a flea?
Well, I can’t really argue.
It definitely sucks to be me.
Look dude, back off. I know what you’re trying to do.
I appreciate the offer but I’m nothing like you.
You’re way too straight-laced and I’m just worthless and pretty sh**-faced.
I can help you be useful and make that pity disappear.
Quit being so selfish and face your inner fear!
Look bro, that’s enough.
You’re after something, and that’s clear.
I ain’t gonna give you any money,
And I wish that you weren’t here.
The pains I’ve felt are special.
I don’t expect you to understand.
I’ve suffered more than anyone.
I’m a terminally unique kind of man.
So, shut up with your promises,
And quickly walk away.
Before I knock you out,
Or break down and beg you to stay.
I see you’re gaining interest.
It’s starting to make sense.
But until you hear my drunken story,
You won’t be fully convinced.
So let’s hear your little story
It can’t be as bad as mine.
I guess I have a few minutes.
I’ll give you a little time.
What’s with all of these promises?
Why would you want to get me sober?
What’s in it for you?
What do you care if my life is over?
Are you one of those 12-steppers from the cult of AA?
Oh Lord, help me. Oh wait, did I really just pray?
Indeed you did, a step on the right course.
You’ve said you’re alcoholic with tons of remorse,
That makes two steps, and you took them unforced!
I was you a short time ago but I’m different now, I must say.
Ten more steps is all there is.
Are you willing to try another way?
Take some suggestions and read a few pages?
Follow a simple program that’s been successful for ages?
I don’t know, man.
It all sounds pretty good.
But I’m a drunk and I’m broken
I’m not thinking like I should.
I am at the bottom.
I really have nothing to lose.
Maybe things could be better,
If I walked 12 steps in your shoes.
I am an alcoholic.
I cannot deny.
So, if there is no other way,
I’d really rather not die.
Let’s take a walk and get some air.
There’s a meeting around the corner.
And you’re right, what’s to lose?
Except for that call to the coroner!
You’re not so different.
You’ll be amazed before you are halfway through.
There are millions of us helping each other.
It’s just what we have to do.
What if I don’t like it?
What if it doesn’t work for me?
I really AM very different.
When you hear my story, you’ll see.
So, is this the place?
Is this where y’all meet?
Do I just walk on in?
Do I just grab any seat?
I thought everyone here would be much shorter!
I know that guy over there.
I used to drink with him in the French Quarter.
And HER? I know her too.
She used to take my drink order.
And damn, is that Joe? HE’S in AA?
We used to smuggle dope across the border!
Look at their faces.
Look at their smiles.
There is something so very different about all of them now.
If this worked for them, if they made it through,
Then maybe, just maybe, I can make it through too.
OK, you sober bast***,
Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you.
I’m listening, I’m in.
Just tell me what to do.
My name is Roger R. and I’m an alcoholic (sober since 12/18/11)