- Alcohol
As an athlete Lisa regularly runs races. She came out to run the Heroes in Recovery 6k and offered to share her story, as she lives a life in recovery. Lisa grew up in a home with an angry alcoholic father and a passive-aggressive mother. She experienced negative family behaviors related to religion, control and alcoholism. Manipulation was the ongoing family pattern. Her older sister was her buffer in this dysfunctional home, and she saw her sister as her protector. When she started being excluded from her older sister’s activities due to age differences, it felt like abandonment and rejection. This confusing start to life carried over into young adulthood, where she looked for love in many unsuccessful relationships.
In 1989, divorced and with a young daughter, she knew her life was not happy or healthy. She was motivated to find a better way to live. She did not want to bring her past forward into her family’s life. Breaking the cycle was the goal.
She sought help at a treatment center from their codependency treatment program. It was there she learned that she and all of her family members engaged in unhealthy behaviors. After completing treatment she returned home. She took a leap of faith and moved to a new larger city and found work with someone who happened to be in recovery. Working with someone who understood her lifestyle was important to her recovery. After three years she changed to a high-brow corporate job. She then launched two businesses of her own, sang opera, traveled the world and volunteered. She credits her volunteering with helping her stay balanced. During this time she befriended an elderly couple and became the daughter they never had. This relationship brought her to another period of growth and understanding.
As the couple aged, she helped care for them, until they passed. The wife passed first, and nine years later the husband died. Lisa relieved the stress and emotions related to caring for them and their deaths by having a drink once in a while, when she got home at night. Her drinking progressed, and she was hiding the fact she was drinking. Her body wasn’t tolerant of alcohol, and anything would get her drunk. When her home was robbed, she responded by getting drunk. This was a wake-up call. Although she never saw herself as an alcoholic, she knew things were getting out of control and stopped drinking for a year. She knew she needed the support of a 12-step program and to declare her need to the group.
Lisa recognized that something was askew: “I couldn’t understand my own behavior. I had to start listening to the voices telling me I had something else to heal. That something else was unresolved childhood issues that were being medicated by alcohol and unhealthy relationships.” Willingly addressing those issues was necessary to bring her to where she is today. She celebrated one year of recovery on Halloween 2013.
Recovery has day-to-day challenges to overcome. Her professional environment often includes alcohol, and there is a social stigma attached to not drinking. She just says, “No, thank you” and toasts with a water glass.
Today exercising, running, eating healthy, maintaining a normal weight and 12-step meetings help her stay balanced. She has hired employees so that she can take the time for herself that she deserves. Her daughter is supportive and goes to a counselor to gain self-understanding. The goal she had set many years ago has been reached. She has broken the cycle for her family, and she is proud of that.
Lisa hopes you will make time for your meetings and use the range of 12-step resources out there. When you feel like you are swimming upstream against a social group or stigma, you may hear criticism. When you make a behavior change that can make others uncomfortable, it may be out of their own fear. Always remember you are doing this for yourself and no one else. As with the endurance sports training she enjoys, work at it but don’t overdo it so you can continue to do it long term.