- Alcohol
My sobriety date is September 1. Today I have 27 years of sobriety. When I was growing up, I told everyone that I would never drink. I saw my mom’s dad, my dad’s brother and other family members drinking and saw how stupid, mean and nasty it made them. Oh no, I was never going to drink. I blame myself for not listening to myself or others.
I met my first husband through his sister-in-law. She and I worked together. We both worked 11pm to 7am. She asked me to come to the house after work, as she had someone she wanted me to meet. I agreed, not knowing I was about to meet my husband. No one told me what he was going to be like or what he did. I did know he was disabled, but that didn’t matter to me. We got married a few short months after knowing each other.
He was a severe alcoholic. I ended up working 3 jobs: 11pm to 7am at a nursing home, 7:30am to 3:30pm on a Holstein farm and 4:00pm to 10:30pm at a Jersey (dairy cattle) farm. On top of this I had to take care of him and do the housework. Did I sleep? No. I had to do what I needed to do to keep a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and support his habits of drinking and smoking cigarettes. The relationship turned abusive quickly, because he wanted me home with him, but there was just no way that was going to happen. I had to do what I had to do to survive.
One weekend I somehow got time off from all three jobs, and I needed it. I should have been sleeping straight through the weekend, but I couldn’t. He wanted to go to a friend’s house, and, as I was the only driver, I had to do what he wanted. We got to the friend’s house, and there was drinking and alcohol. I tried beer from the keg, but I didn’t like the taste. I saw the hard liquors available, and I asked to try some whiskey. I fell in love with it, don’t ask me why. I had a little more and looked at the other hard liquors there. I wondered what would happen if I mixed all 12 together. It sounded good to me, and it would allow me to forget about what I was going through. That was the biggest mistake in my life and the stupidest mistake I have ever made other than my first marriage. I enjoyed what I was feeling which was nothing. I enjoyed the first glass too much and thought, “Okay, I’ll have another.” I don’t remember much of that night at all.
I woke up two days later in the hospital on oxygen and hooked up to an IV. I couldn’t figure out where I was or how I had gotten there. The doctor said, “You are one lucky girl. One more drink and you would have been dead. You would have died of alcohol poisoning.” I looked at him with a straight face and, not realizing that what I would say next would land me in inpatient treatment on suicide watch, I said, “What do you think I was trying to do? I was trying to kill myself!”
He looked at me in surprise and asked, “Why? You are a pretty lady.” I said, “I don’t want to live any more. I don’t want to go through what I am going through.” I had hit my rock bottom and also my wake-up point. While in inpatient treatment, I played the game and did what was required of me. I gave them all the answers they wanted to hear just so I could get out. When I got out, I went right back to my husband. He decided to beat me. I ran to his grandmother’s house which was a block away, leaving my car behind. I was scared out of my mind, and I called the police. They told me to let him sober up and to go back home tomorrow. I spent the night with his grandmother and called my dad to come get me. I had had enough and realized my life was more important than being with my husband.
My dad and brother came to get me and my stuff. After that day 27 years ago, I made the choice not to touch another drink. I knew what would happen if I did. Between then and now, I have gone through my share of rough times. I found sobriety on my own, and I have my reasons why. Since that time, I have experienced the death of my grandma in the early 90s, my dad passing away in 1996, almost losing my life due to domestic violence, being with a drug addict and watching my mom battle breast cancer twice. I lived through my aunt passing away in a house fire, a cousin being killed by a coal truck and my dog being put down by a vengeful former roommate. Through all this, I have been able to maintain my sobriety without 12-step support.
I had and have people who depend on me and need me to be strong. There is my mom. There is my wonderful fiance and our nephews. There are my online friends who need me. Do I recommend doing sobriety without the help of support groups? Not really. It is easier to do it with help. I personally have never done the 12 steps, but I have lived each and every one of them. I have lived life and dealt with it in the best way I know how. I am now with a wonderful, loving, caring and supportive gentleman who has encouraged me to go back to school. He is also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict with 24 years of sobriety. I could not ask for a better man in my life than him. Thank you everyone for letting me share this with you.