- Drugs
My story is definitely my own. I have had the opportunity to tell my story just a few days ago for my last day of intensive outpatient rehab group, so I don’t need to think back too far.
I started using pot at age 13, using morphine at 17, alcohol at 18, mushrooms at 20, cocaine at 21. And my true addiction stemmed from OxyContin at age 22. All those other drugs went on the back burner when I started using OxyContin. I used it for just about a year and got myself in so deep within the addiction that I was waking up “dope sick” every day. I hated that feeling so much so, so much.
I luckily realized that it wasn’t normal to be waking up like that every day. I knew I had to stop. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have an addiction. And boy was I deceiving myself. Part of my using was a product of the environment I was working in. So I took the necessary measure to find a new job. I went just about cold turkey and didn’t even understand that I could have killed myself doing it that way. But I stopped.
I did well for about seven months. Then I found Percocet 30s. That rekindled my addiction all over again. From then on until about three months ago, I lived life always on the edge of a very sharp knife. I won’t lie; I got very lucky I didn’t overdose. I pushed that drug into myself with complete disregard for the consequences.
Until this past April, I was just barely controlling my addiction. But it finally got the better of me. I stopped going to work on a “disability claim”. I started to justify my using. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have a problem. Well, with no work comes no money. So I couldn’t get the ever increasing Percocet dose. So I turned to Heroin. I had always snorted the pills. I started sniffing the heroin at first, but it took less than a week to start shooting it.
I hated myself for doing that. I hated myself so much so that I had to wear long sleeves around family. I most of all hated chasing the dragon. I never got as high as the first time I shot up. I now consider myself one of the luckiest people I know to have come to terms with stopping myself from shooting up. I went back to sniffing it just to keep the withdrawals away.
I knew it was only a short matter of time before I dived back into it harder than before. I finally admitted I had a problem. I went through the call center and got on a plane (extremely nerve wracking for me) and got to my connecting airport. Having not flown in about 15 years and being the stubborn dummy I was, I missed my second flight. I then proceeded to freak out for a good half hour before my sense of control came back. I ended up staying the night I the airport.
I said to myself about a thousand times, “I want to go back home.” But I was committed to the choice I made. I got on a flight much later the next day. I got down to the airport pick up spot and within 10 minutes a counselor from the treatment center showed up to get me. I was nervous as could be, but they took great care of me.
I intended to stay for 30 days. But I spent the first week detoxing and the second week getting my medicine straightened out. I felt like I only got 2 weeks’ worth of treatment. So I made the decision to stay another 15 days, with help from my mother. It was so worth it. I got home just about a month ago. I have attended twelve step meetings every night with the exception of only two nights.
I love my meetings. I love the unity in each of them. They made me feel welcome, as I was a nervous wreck for the first few. I know it’s hard to do the 90 meetings in 90 days, as I’m still working toward that goal. But I’m staying committed to my recovery. I will not and cannot allow myself to fail. I know that if I go back to that evil dark path of addiction again I will never come back out alive.
I want all who read my story to understand that this path of sobriety isn’t a cake walk, but there are those who came before us as testament that it can be done. We as addicts in recovery can do absolutely anything we set our minds upon. Most of us are extremely resourceful, deep thinking individuals. And most of us are stubborn as can be. So let’s take the skills we once used to get high and use them now live a sober, clean, and clear lifestyle. STAY STRONG AND STAY POSITIVE.
“Live in the present. There is nothing to be gained from thinking about the future. Take your recovery at your speed. Addiction throws some high and inside fast balls, you need to know when to swing and when to back off, but when you swing at your own speed you have the opportunity to hit a grand slam for the team of recovery. Stay strong and stay positive.”