- Alcohol
- Drugs
My name is Michael C, and I am a young person in long-term recovery. I have not had a drink or a drug since I was 21 years old. Today I am 24 years old and have been in long-term recovery for three years. As a direct result of my recovery, I am now a son, a grandson, a brother, a student, an employee, a friend and so much more. I would not be where I am today without the unconditional love and support of God, family and friends.
On July 29, 2011, I woke up in a treatment facility cut off from myself, others and the universe. I had no hope, no sense of purpose in life. I could never have imagined three months of sobriety let alone three years. I could never have imagined healthy relationships with family and friends. I could never have imagined the many miracles that have taken place in such a short period of time.
Others taught me that I was not unique in my plight. I was taught that I suffer from a chronic illness. While this illness has no cure, there is a way out. I am forever grateful to those who empowered me to achieve long-term recovery and the many blessings that have come with it. I truly have a life beyond my wildest dreams and a sense of peace, happiness and purpose that is indescribably wonderful. I speak out today to offer hope so others have a chance to achieve long-term recovery.
I was born to a warm, loving family. We moved regularly until I was 10 years old, but I cannot say any external or environmental factors played into my alcoholism and addiction. I have a wonderful family who provided everything I ever needed. I loved to play sports, climb all over everything and catch bugs, crabs and lizards. I had an amazing childhood.
I had a fixation with people older than me. I emulated drinking and smoking and always wanted to do it. For reasons I still don’t understand, I just thought it was a cool thing to do. I started drinking when I was 13 years old. I grew up in a Jewish town, and I remember attending bar and bat mitzvahs every weekend throughout my seventh and eighth grade years. Our parents and older siblings were all drinking, and we just wanted to be a part of that. I cannot tell you what it was like when I first drank, but drinking gave me a sense of ease and comfort that I could not find on any sports team or in any other activity. When I drank, I no longer worried what others thought of me, and in a weird way, I enjoyed the reputation that came with it.
There is a story in a book that describes alcoholism. It reads, “One of the primary differences between alcoholics and non-alcoholics is that non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals and alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.” This became my story. From high school on, I would continue to change my goals to meet my behavior. I no longer wanted to be an elite soccer player or become a lobbyist. Both of those things got in the way of my drinking and using. I smoked pot every day beginning my sophomore year. I chose to surround myself with people who were older than me and encouraged my alcohol and drug use. I didn’t want to go to college anymore. I wanted to open up a bar in the Caribbean called Simpleton’s and dive all the time. There is nothing wrong with either of those things, but in hindsight I changed everything in my life to meet my drinking and drug use. I justified my drinking with the excuse that if I was still getting good grades and staying out of trouble, it wasn’t a big deal. Unfortunately I crossed the point of no return. I unknowingly suffered from a chronic illness. I would eventually have no control over whether or not I would drink or use. I could no longer manage my life or my use.
I spent the three years following high school in three different states. I chose the University of San Francisco and the University of Colorado at Boulder for the availability of medical marijuana and not because they were located in two of the most beautiful places in the country. I chose Tulane for the wet city and party culture and not for the family I had in that area or the incredible food, music and art. By the time I was 21, I realized I could no longer make healthy choices or quit drinking successfully.
I took a walk in July 2011. My father arrived that morning at an emergency room where I had checked myself in for what they called “severe alcohol intoxication.” When I left the hospital, I told my father I never wanted to see him again. I walked over 20 miles to my mother’s home in Maryland insisting that I needed to experience the beginning of my life without my family.
This walk saved my life. I was granted what some call a “moment of clarity” or a “God moment.” I started that walk blaming everyone and everything for my unhappiness. On the way I gained some insight into being the source of my problems. I could not maintain healthy relationships with loved ones because of myself. I could not stay in school or stay in one place because I did not like person I had become. I could not stop drinking or using drugs because I needed help. The same story I mentioned before also describes “bottom.” It reads, “One definition of a bottom is the point when the last thing you lost or the next thing you are about to lose is more important than booze.” On that day the way I felt became more important to me than booze.
So began my journey to recovery and a life I could never have imagined. Today I am a person in long-term recovery, which, to me, means I have an obligation to be a power of example and share my recovery story.