- Drugs
- Faith
- Friends & Family
It started when I was very young. It seemed I was broken from birth and had no light or love around me. Life was filled with drugs, violence and constant fear. I feared what he would do to my mother and what my mother would do to herself. I tried my best to be strong. Momma always called me the strong one, and that is what I was until I just snapped. After years of abuse, neglect and drugs, I swore I would never be like her.
I have learned to never judge anyone because all my anger and judgment blew up in my face when I was 16. I fell head-over-heels in love, and within a year he was beating my brains in while I blamed myself for his actions. I stayed until his abuse caused the death of my unborn baby. That is when I snapped and found myself in my mother’s shoes. Instead of becoming her I became the addict, and my life fell apart. Nothing mattered but getting drugs to numb the pain within. Drugs consumed me and my whole family. They robbed me of everything: my mother, my brother, my cousin, my life, love, dignity and any possessions I had.
God had another plan and pulled me from the ashes of my broken life. He had to sit me down in prison to clear my mind, and I had to read His word to find the courage to change. Chaos, violence, addiction and disaster were the only things I knew. In 2010 I was blessed to leave the insanity behind and move down south. Within five months I had a better life than I ever dreamed possible, but my mother’s death still haunted me. I gave my mother the bag of heroin that took her life, and because of that I felt I didn’t deserve to live. I refused to address the thoughts, pain, anger and despair that came from losing my baby and my mother. I found myself back in the same pit God had rescued me from, the same cycle of destruction that whirled around me destroying everything in its path.
God wouldn’t let go of me, and in 2012 I found myself in yet another jail cell. I was bankrupt and had messed up really big this time. I was on the six o’clock news and in the papers in two states. When I faced the judge, he could have ripped me apart and sent me to prison for life. Instead he told me he saw a light in me and that it was never too late to change. I was released on bond and went home with a broken heart and fear that loomed around me like a villain. God beckoned to me in those fearful moments, and I ran to Him. I surrendered and gave everything to God. In return He transformed me into a beautiful young woman with a huge heart and powerful story. I have been clean for nearly three and a half years, rebuilt my life from the ground up, take care of my grandmother and work full time at one of the largest rehabilitation centers in my area.
I got help from God, church, support group meetings and the understanding of the rehabilitation process I learned from multiple rehab visits. Don’t believe the voice in your head that says you’re not good enough, you’re not strong enough and you can’t do this. I promise you if I can do it, you can do it. You must want it with every inch of your being. Cry out to God, and He will answer. He will help, but you must be willing to put forth effort. It hurts to heal, but once you are healed, life is beautiful. Today I am dependable, reliable, honest and responsible. I can hold my head high and no longer have to beg, borrow or steal to feed an addiction that is killing me. I am able to truly love and am blessed to have a job helping those who are lost like I once was.
A new life is just a choice away.