Pam

Discover and Use Your Passion

I found my passion after the death of my son Andy in 2011. I really didn’t think I had any reason to be on earth after he died. He was my life, my only child. I defined myself as Andy’s mom. I had nothing more to do here. I was afraid and shattered, felt useless and had given up.

The Power of Resilience

Here’s where I did have a choice: I could wander aimlessly, drowning in self-pity and lamenting the unfairness of it all or I could scrape the broken pieces of my life back together and try to make something meaningful out of my loss.

Stand Up and Be Counted

Bum, loser, their own fault, lacking character, aren’t trying hard enough, bad parents. I have seen and heard …

Was It Worth It?

Your parents’ grief goes on and on. Your mom has flashbacks of finding you. They never get over your death. They loved you so much, how could they? They try as best they can to go on and make a good life, and sometimes they even feel happy. But your shining presence, now gone, leaves a hole that can never be filled. Your struggle is over, and they are happy for that. Theirs will continue as long as they live.

Helping or Harming?

One of the most important lessons I ever learned in my support group was this: “Do not do for the addict what he can and should be doing for himself.” Let them learn! Let them take responsibility for their own actions and lives. Do not disempower them by taking on the consequences of their actions!

Out of the Ashes

“Joy Returns”

In this chapter my new purpose came to be. I got to work with a fantastic group of people helping those like Andy seek help and find joy again. Being with them and working toward this common goal brought my joy and purpose roaring back. I rose out of the ashes. If I can save one parent from the devastation I suffered, Andy’s life will not be in vain. If I can convince one person to seek help, Andy’s life will not be in vain. I became an activist without even knowing it. I constantly strive to change the way addiction is viewed. Addiction is a disease, proven through science, and needs to be treated as such. I feel true joy again, and I know I have an important job to do. I owe it to Andy.