Balance in Recovery
“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony,” Thomas Merton once said, and I agree with him. To find true happiness in life, my life has to be balanced; and to find true recovery, my sobriety has to be balanced. The only “balance” that I knew in my life was what I tried to achieve through the use of different mind-altering substances, drugs and alcohol. I could never balance my emotions, and therefore I used chemical help to knock me out or numb myself. Balance of mind, body and spirit seems to be difficult, but it is not if you really try to achieve it.
It seems difficult at the beginning, fresh out of rehab or in the first month of your meetings, to find any kind of balance. With the decision to get sober, your life has been overturned, derailed and mixed up; most of us feel like we are just being spit out of a tornado, bouncing around in midair. No balance, no stability in sight. There are two options: First, we fall feet first on the ground and get a firm footing, or second, we smash full speed into the trees of life and hang there tangled, baffled and wondering what hit us.
I prefer my feet on the ground, the suggestions and advice that I got from my treatment center upon my graduation and release were very helpful. Not that I was very keen to hear them at that point—I still thought I knew everything better at that time—but at least I gave them my attention and decided that I would give them a try. As with lots of other things, I changed my mind about a lot of those suggestions with time. After that ground shaking six weeks in treatment, I came to believe that these therapists and drug counselors may have a little more clue about getting sober than I had. I got the suggestion to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, starting the day on my arrival at home. I was also told to go to an Intensive Outpatient Program for a while, get a therapist for myself, see my doctor, get a sponsor and many other things.
I left my treatment facility and the town of Palm Springs with one eye on the airport bar but smiling and not wanting a drink. I spent the time smoking a cigarette outside, then I strolled through the tiny gift shop and decided on a nice bracelet as a souvenir from the town where I had just been re-born.
When I came home, I was shocked, mad, unhappy and discouraged—the meeting place at home was different than the one near my rehab, which we used to visit. The people were different, and they did things different. We alcoholics and addicts HATE change! I was discouraged, but I remembered my therapist and kept going. The Intensive Outpatient Program was a blessing. I spent four days a week for at least 3 hours or more at this place. It became my family, my safe heaven, my second living room—and it played a major role in the fact that I am sober today. I learned a lot and had people around me who cared about my sobriety, and I had a place where I could go to at any time of day when I felt bad in any way. During this time, I landed on my feet!
Like most who take their sobriety seriously, I was afraid to relapse in the first several months. You have the statistics in the back of your head which don’t show great chances of success, and you keep hearing about your roommates from rehab falling off the wagon one by one. I thought that going to more meetings and attending more IOP would be better. I was a bit of a meeting-junkie, but it kept me sober. There was no balance in my life or in my head at that time; I was, as they say in poker, “ALL IN” for my recovery for a while. After I was past the dangerous first few months, I found more balance there.
Part of my newfound balance became my frequent and regular visits to my doctor. We checked my blood results and the more my physical condition and health improved, the more I felt right about my decision. My liver results used to be on a level where a “normal” person would not live anymore. Within a year, my liver re-generated—what was left of it—and I look forward to a good life now. I did not feel like a “hopeless cause” anymore; there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I noticed growth, and sobriety had a true meaning. Physical health and mental health go hand in hand and for a good balanced life-style I had to watch both. My eating improved, and I tried to get healthy quick. I started to get more active and turn this drinking couch potato into an active member of society, who doesn’t faint in the first sunlight and doesn’t run out of breath after 20 fast steps. I gave up coffee completely. I still have my bad cigarette habit, but as with everything in life, we’re talking right now about progress—not perfection.
As many do in their early days of sobriety, I tended to go overboard—or, as some people say, “I wanted to change the world, then I got a little wisdom, now I want to change myself.” I was running from meeting to meeting, from therapist to therapist; there was not much time left for private life, my husband, any work or fun.
These days I have brought my life into more of a balance. I go to three to five meetings a week and have plenty of time for other things in my life, my household, work and hobbies. My sobriety has still highest priority in my life and always should. Without sobriety, I can’t have anything else that I have today. If I go back out into the world of drugging and drinking, I will lose everything that I have worked so hard for. But I’m not frightened to have a day without a meeting; my balance in life, together with my inner peace and my spirituality, keeps me sober during that day. I can do my work or go sailing for a whole day without losing my balance right away. This stability came with time and after my obsession to drink was lifted from me. I still need my meetings like medicine; they are part of my life like breathing, but my balance keeps me safe in between.
My husband doesn’t get the perfect meal every evening when he comes home from work because I don’t have to be perfect today; I can be myself. But I can give him way more time and attention, cook a nice meal some days, and be home when he comes from work, etc., much more than I was able to at the beginning. I have found a balance which allows me to have both recovery and family in my life.
It is also necessary for my balance that I can say, “No.” I don’t have to please people; I can be myself and live my life the way it is balanced. If anything comes up that disturbs the balance, I do not have to do that today. I have choices in life today. I strive for harmony. I would rather be OK today than experience the high highs and the low lows that I used to have.
“To talk about balance, it’s easier to talk about what’s out of balance. And I think anytime that you have any disease, and disease meaning lack of ease, lack of flow… dis-ease. So any time there’s disease, you’re out of balance, whether it’s jealousy, anger, greed, anxiety, fear.”
– Ricky Williams
I remember very clearly being asked in the beginning, “Are you willing to go to any length to get balance?” and I answered “YES.” I wanted what I saw in all these sober people around me. My head was spinning like a hamster running at night inside his wheel. I wanted this spinning to stop and get the peaceful feeling that other people have. I was full of fear and anxiety.
My balance today is my stability. Balance gives me an inner peace. Too much of one thing is never good. If the scale tips way too much to one side, it is irritating. Irritation makes me restless and discontent. These feelings are killer for sobriety. I try to keep my balance in everything, and my life goes smoothly. Maybe my life is not as exciting as it used to be, but if it works like a clockwork, it is a secure feeling, and I need that today. The excitement factor might be less, but the happiness has drastically increased. There will be always ups and downs and things that don’t work the way they should, but in a balanced life, they won’t throw me overboard. It is like a well-balanced boat: It might rock, but it is harder to sink.
Today I’m training in what is called a “runner’s assist” program. I did hurt my knee during a skiing accident a year ago, and people are trying to get me fit for sports again. I can feel already that a regular sport gives me more balance in my body and soul. If you have not tried any sports or fitness in your sobriety, give it a try. In my early sobriety I went to Zumba classes to get rid of excess energy in a positive way. It had a calming effect on my life in a troublesome early recovery. I can highly recommend this to anyone starting his or her journey. Zumba is fun, active and alcohol-free. A perfect place for a “newborn” sober person. A balanced diet of nutritious foods will increase the feeling of happiness through general well-being also. Give yourself that apple a day; it has not hurt anyone to exchange the poison of drugs and alcohol for some healthy foods.
Balance and stability might also be reached through spirituality, religion, meditation and prayer. Moments of solitude and reflection might give you ideas of what is needed to reach balance. Only you know if that is your way to go. Balance is a personal thing, as no one but you knows what causes the scale in your life to shift.
I hope that you find great stability and balance in your life. Pet your cat or dog today and think about the balance they have. Worrying does not do us much good. I’m trying to be mindful these days and to enjoy the present. If you feel unbalanced, look at the possible causes and work on them slowly and steadily. Your life can improve a lot; so can your recovery and sobriety. Draw a picture of yourself and add words to it as to who you want to be as a person, your values, your goals, your visions. Then ask yourself, about anything you do, whether or not it is getting you anyhow closer to the type of person you want to be. Strive for a match—i.e., if your value is “honesty” and your action is “theft,” then you don’t have the right set together. If you want to be “respectful” and your action is “treating another person right,” you have correctly matched your values and goals. This simple drawing helped me a lot in finding my balance and has given me more happiness.
If you have trouble finding balance in your life with those simple ways, you might want to seek help from a therapist or learn tools in inpatient or outpatient treatment. There is nothing wrong with admitting that we are searching for balance and can’t achieve it ourselves. Reach out for help and make your own life more worth living.
Please share your secrets about finding balance with us through the comments. Your simple tricks might help someone have a better day today. I would love to hear from you and add more ways to reach balance in this article. How did you manage to reach your balance? Or do you have trouble balancing life, body and soul?
“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.”
– Brian Tracy
Susanne Johnson
Lead Advocate
Heroes in Recovery
Metropolis, IL