Pulling a Geographic
In 12-step groups, they often call it “pulling a geographic.” This is when you move from place to place to try to escape or run from your problems or circumstances. Living a life of adventure, I could probably be considered the “Geographic Queen” of recovery. I say this lightly because, from my personal experience, pulling a geographic has not always been a bad decision for me. The insights and empowerment that I have gained and the wonderful people I have met along the way have added immensely to my growth in recovery. It has been part of my personal journey of self discovery. Perspective is the key. I never saw my moving as running. I saw it as laying something aside.
Growing up, my family moved around a lot. I learned this behavior and found it to be appealing when attempting to create a fresh start. I have been blessed to have lived in and traveled to a lot of beautiful places in the world. Before I moved, I found myself delaying certain areas of growth to expand in others. I grew a lot in my interpersonal skills, cross cultural understanding and human behavior development. Yet I delayed growing my trauma coping skills and addressing some past issues. If something seemed just a bit too difficult or if I wasn’t feeling the vibe of a place anymore, I packed up and left. Living a free-spirited life created a lot of joy and bliss for me. I cultivated that power and would often head back home to start the next phase of growth.
The difficult part of pulling a geographic is that one’s issues are still there when he or she gets back. Sometimes, they are worse than before. Without passing judgment on myself for laying these issues aside until I felt strong enough to deal with them, I know that it has been imperative to know when I am ready for my growth. It is also important to know when my Higher Power is ready, since we will face the issues together. Attempting to force an area of growth on myself when I have not been ready has only been detrimental and caused harm to not only myself, but to others as well. Releasing my attachment to the drive to grow and become better is difficult for a perfectionist. Giving myself permission to take a time out, figure stuff out and in some cases move to a new environment, has given me insights I do not feel I would have achieved in the area I had been living in.
Before my last move, a friend asked me, “What about your friends, AV? Isn’t life all about the people you make those connections with and grow with?” This question has stayed with me since then, and I feel comfortable in saying that I don’t know the truth about that yet. The moves I have made connected me with like-minded individuals from different walks of life, not just recovery folk. Where I had been living prior to my last move, I was only involved in recovery circles. I felt stagnant in my growth, and the desire to move and to continue to grow pulled me forward. I was concerned with what my 12-step meeting peeps would think, but that made me even more aware that I had to make the move. I have to continue to be true to myself and not force my recovery growth. I needed a more worldly experience. Believe it or not, THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE OF RECOVERY. I always keep my God, my recovery and my health first. My foundation is firm and solid and I felt safe enough to take the leap and move on to grow.
With that being said, there are circumstances in my life that I have left unfinished when I moved. I may not have yet been prepared to deal with those things but I took the risk. Sure enough, they had exacerbated in complexity when I came back. It is a part of my journey to have to learn these skills in this manner. There is no blueprint for how each recovery journey should look. I have to constantly remind myself of this fact when I get hard on myself. I am my own worst critic. Maybe I should have done things differently but I did the best with what wisdom I had available to me at the time. I have to let go and let God.
The biggest piece of wisdom I have gathered in my experiences of geographical movement is that we are continually pulled in and out of a recovered state of living. In observing my own behaviors and those of others in recovery, our behaviors can go from being not so healthy to being downright destructive. Every experience I have shows me how much further I have come in growing along spiritual lines. Again, I have to give myself a break. My thinking is the root of my troubles. While I am on my adventures, I make sure to keep those who hold me accountable close at hand. When my thinking is getting the best of me, I make sure I have a Skype call or FB chat session with one of them to clear up my thoughts. In order to be held accountable, I have to take responsibility for my own recovery first. I have enough time now to know some of my defects of character. When they show up, I reach out.
Geographically speaking, I don’t want to advocate moving around as being a solution for everyone. But honestly, sometimes we just need a freaking TIME OUT! Life gets rough sometimes. Without the occasional romp in the mire, what are we doing here? Adventure has shown me a lot about myself, including some things that I never knew existed. The beauty of the world and my ability to be an active member of creation as I enjoy the gifts given to us and understand others along the way has all built up even more compassion for myself and for fellow travelers on this spaceship Earth. Pulling a geographic may not be for you. But what about a vacation to a place you have always wanted to visit? What excuses are you making that keep you from exploring your world and growing yourself outside of recovery? Fear is often what inhibits our growth. Living fearlessly takes a lot of courage and determination. You have already proven you are fearless, so how about taking another step? Be absolutely clear on your intentions for the leap, make sure your foundation is as sound as possible and then LIVE! You have earned the right!
Love and light, fellow travelers!
AV