Drugs – The Problem Or The Solution?
One thing makes it so difficult to find sobriety is the fact that a person has to first see an issue with his behavior before he can get the willingness to make any changes. Once the willingness is reached, we are still dealing with the disease as such and it often requires a lot of treatment and outside help to finally reach a stable recovery, but first someone has to see that he has a problem.
Many blogs and articles, even books were written about the denial factor that plays such a big role in finding help. It basically means that as long as someone does not see, understand or want to see that he is addicted to the drugs or alcohol, he won’t see the need to change. As long my consumption of beer, liquor, pills or the engagement in gambling or gaming have no negative consequences for my life, why shouldn’t I do what I enjoy?
If consequences appear, the denial factor lets the addict and alcoholic brush them under the carpet, minimize or rationalize them, see them as a temporary streak of bad luck or even other people’s faults. It’s often not easy to make someone in active addiction understand that his problems are of higher severity than he assumes, or that it wasn’t the cop’s fault that he got stopped driving drunk. There is one even bigger factor that makes communication with loved ones problematic and often impossible: The question about what is the problem and what is the solution.
If your son, daughter, spouse or other loved one is engaging in a self-destructive behavior like addiction to drugs, you see the drugs and their consumption as the problem and recovery and sobriety as the solution. If you talk to him about it, you probably feel like you talk to a wall, like you speak a different language, like there is no understanding at all. The reason for this is that the addict can’t follow your thoughts on this. He sees, in his world, the drugs and drug consumption not as the problem, but as the solution. It is his solution for every day troubles, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, PTSD, bullying, boredom, stress, or in other words, for everything that needs a coping skill of some sorts.
At a moment his life is all upside down, because he has trouble taking life on life’s terms; at a moment when his head is spinning circles in thoughts that are not leading anywhere; at a moment that people confront him with anything that triggers shame or guilt, his solution is to take drugs or alcohol and it works for him. At least it works for quite a while until tolerance starts kicking in and changes things. This is how we are raised, too. If you have a fever, the fever is the problem, and drugs are the solution. Who doesn’t run to the pharmacy to get relief when a big cold hits? The trees are flowering and pollen flying, take a pill! That’s how it works for an addict as well. His life is not going so well, so he finds relief. He needs a social lubricant at a party, a drink does wonders.
And soon other people come in– like father, mother, siblings, bosses, interventionists, counselors, judges, policemen and more and tell him all of a sudden, that these things (that are his solution) are now titled “problem”.
No wonder so many addicts have big trouble understanding our efforts to help them. All they can see is that you try to take away the things that help them deal with their life. His outlook of his surroundings change and now not only is daily life a big problem, but also YOU. The barrier of communication gets higher and higher, the addict see his problems rising and his solution endangered. Try to imagine how the addict feels. It is no surprise that he denies all help.
Talk less about problems and more about solutions. If an addict or alcoholic understands that there is an alternative solution to HIS problems, he might be more open to talks. And if you, as an addict, try to understand where are the people that want to help you are coming from, a better communication within the family might be possible. Small steps can lead to big changes. Trying to keep the focus on solutions can get you a long way.
Sometimes, it is easier to change the solution than to fight the problem itself. In the world of substance use disorders it means that learning coping skills in treatment is always a better and healthier solution than numbing our world with drugs. Working on the problems that have long created that big desire to escape is a better long-term solution than multiplying the problems of life through drug use and abuse.
One of the reasons a 12-step fellowship is often a successful place for people with substance use disorders is the fact that nobody there tries to take the solution away from the person. All that is needed to walk through the door is a desire to stop using or drinking. Nobody is running after the addict with a drug test from day one to search his bag for pills. All they hear there is “Keep coming back” and get a hug, if they did use their solution to fix a problem.
Switch to a different solution. Cope, don’t shoot! Let professionals show you how to let go of old problems. Drugs and alcohol are not a good solutions, they don’t work long term and create even more problems in the long run. The skills are what create a long-term relief, joy and happiness. It’s like switching from pain pills to physical therapy after a knee surgery. Only the later will really help you, even both seem to be good solutions for the current pain problem.
Which is the most important coping skill that you learned? Share it with all of us right here under this story, please.
We do recover.
Susanne Johnson