What I Needed to Change for Recovery
Being “clean and sober” may be based on abstinence, but recovery is so much more than that. I used to believe that getting over my addiction was solely about stopping my use of drugs and alcohol. But over time, I have learned that recovery is also about creating a new life for myself– a life where it is easier not to use. If I do not change the behaviors and patterns that brought me to my addiction, they will eventually catch up with me, and drinking and using will be an appealing option once again. This I know from experience.
Here are the top three items I needed to change in order to achieve sustained recovery early on:
- Avoid High-Risk Situations
I identified high-risk situations through an acronym HALT (hungry, angry– or as I’ve come to call it “hangry”– lonely, or tired). When I experienced these feelings in early recovery this was usually when I would experience cravings. I didn’t like the way I was feeling and I would want to change it– something that was quickly and easily done by drinking or using in my past.
Other high-risk situations I needed to give up were “People, Places, and Things”. I needed to avoid people that were associated with my drinking and using. This was difficult for me because at the time I believed these people were my true friends. It was not until later in recovery that I learned what real relationships entailed. As for places– in early recovery it was essential that I stayed away from places where I drank and used. Early on I also found it necessary for me to avoid the things that reminded me of my using and drinking like listening to certain songs or watching particular movies. They would leave me with a feeling of unease and make my skin crawl.
None of these situations can be completely avoided at all times but by being aware of them, I felt less caught off guard and I could take steps to prevent them from becoming major issues. I began taking better care of myself by eating healthier, and developing better sleep habits. I stopped going out to bars and clubs I had frequented. I stopped hanging out with people I drank and used with. I blocked my dealers’ number on my phone and avoided driving near their house. In my early recovery I made a lot of little changes in my life that helped me create a life that made it easier for me to sustain abstinence.
- Learn to Relax
I used and drank to escape, reward, and relax. It gave me a feeling of ease and comfort. I had to learn essential coping skills and how to experience emotions, both positive and negative, without drugs and alcohol. After almost 20 years of addiction I had forgotten how. There are many ways and techniques for relaxation. It is important to find what works for you. Gaining experience from others who had gone through this process before me helped me find what worked for me. When I find myself becoming anxious or overly excited, meditating and/or saying a prayer combined with breathing techniques helps return me to a more neutral state. Going for a quick walk can also aid in my relaxation.
- Be Honest
I’ve saved the best for last. For my recovery, this continues to be the most important part of my life. My addiction required lying. Lying was second nature to me and I was pretty convincing. I had even become pretty good at lying to myself. But, the problem is that I don’t like myself when I lie. I feel sneaky and ashamed. I cannot look myself in the mirror and I become trapped in a shame cycle and paranoid I will be found out. In early recovery it was vital for me to find the courage to be 100% honest with someone. A trustworthy person is a person who would not judge me. I had to find someone I could be my authentic self with- the good, the bad, and the ugly. As they say, my secrets keep me sick. I believe Brené Brown says it best, “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
Through recovery, I have been given the opportunity to change my life and write the ending to my story. The work to do that is what make recovery both rewarding and difficult but always worth it.