The Four Agreements – Help for Daily Living
Do you ever struggle with life? I know I do. Sometimes things can knock us down. For people with addictions and families dealing with addiction, it can feel like a constant struggle.
One of my favorite books is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miquel Ruiz. Here is the description from Amazon.com:
Rooted in traditional Toltec wisdom beliefs, four agreements in life are essential steps on the path to personal freedom. As beliefs are transformed through maintaining these agreements, shamanic teacher and healer Don Miguel Ruiz asserts lives will “become filled with grace, peace, and unconditional love.”
The four agreements are:
- Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
- Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
- Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
- Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance. If you simply do your best you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
I just re-read the book this week, as I do often, and I realized the message would be particularly helpful to people in recovery and families impacted by addiction. Today, I would like to focus on #2 and #4.
Let’s begin with #2.”Don’t take anything personally.” One of the things that bothers me most is when people have the misconception that people who suffer from the disease of addiction get what they deserve, or that they are bad people, or weak, or come from bad families, or you name it. Of course, we know better. On the one hand, if only they knew. On the other hand, thank God they don’t know. But the point is these comments are made in ignorance. And I will fight to the end of my days to help educate the uninformed. Meanwhile, I plan to focus on “Don’t take anything personally,” and I hope you will too. As it says, nothing others do is because of you. What they do is a projection of their reality, their fears. Doesn’t that take a load off your shoulders? I know it does for me. Don’t listen to that crow sitting on your shoulder who whispers negative thoughts into your ear. You know and I know that addiction is a disease, proven by science. I know my son was a beautiful person and he made my life wonderful while he was here. He had a disease, but that did not destroy his beautiful light within. You are a person of value and deserving of love. Do not forget that!
On to #4, “Always do your best.” Here is the important part: your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different depending on where you are at, whether you are healthy or sick, whether you are in a good frame of mind or a bad one. Just do your best based on your circumstances. You will know when you are or are not doing your best. Do not compare yourself to others. You are your own unique self, with your own strengths and gifts. Your best on a given day may be awesome. Or it may be just getting out of bed in the morning and dragging yourself to a meeting. Sometimes we make ourselves miserable with the self-judgment. We are our own worst enemies. Are you doing your best? If you are, get off your back. Have patience with yourself. If you are doing the best you can, given your current circumstances, celebrate. Sometimes things fall apart so that they can fall back together in a better way. Don’t give up hope. Just do the best you can. Seek to improve. If you do this one thing, I can pretty much promise that your life will improve.
Here is something you can do to contribute to being your best self. Share your story with others and give them hope. It’s really easy. You can do it in one of 2 ways:
1) Go to Heroes in Recovery and share your story. Say Pam sent you.
2) Message me on Facebook and we can talk in person or you can text me your story.
In love and light,
Pam