Being Transparent to Help Break the Stigma
Thinking back to about nine years ago, I remember vividly how I felt when I first found out that my oldest son was addicted to drugs. I doubt the memory of those initial feelings will ever go away. As a parent, we have certain aspirations for our children. Drug addiction is not one of them.
When I first discovered my son’s substance abuse problem, I felt a long list of emotions: shock, fear, shame, guilt, disgust, sorrow, grief, despair, embarrassment. But shortly after suffering that barrage of negative emotions, I started to do some online research about addiction. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this disease has an incredible stigma attached to it. I decided I would not help foster that stigma.
Before I go any further, let me say that I know there are a lot of parents out there who do their best to keep their child’s addiction private. They likely feel many of the same negative emotions that I felt initially, and they don’t want others to know what their family is going through. That’s fine. People are different and handle situations in different ways. Everyone has to do what’s best for them; they have to do what they’re comfortable with.
My approach, however, was different. I decided that if I was going to be the parent of a child afflicted with addiction, and addiction was stigmatized by a large part of the population, then I would do everything I could to help break down that stigma.
I was totally transparent about my son’s disease. I discussed it with everyone, from family members to friends to co-workers; even my boss. If you knew me, you heard about my son’s addiction, very matter-of-factly. I was not going to keep his health problem hidden. I wanted to educate people and make them realize that addiction can happen to anyone.
For the most part, the folks I talked to about my son’s addiction were incredibly supportive. They listened carefully and were tremendously compassionate. For the record, though, there were friends of mine who didn’t “get” the whole addiction thing. Some were likely naïve and scared by the subject. Others, I believe, saw my son’s addiction as a reflection of poor parenting skills (a common misconception). Whatever the reasons, I did lose friends as a result of my son’s addiction. But so be it. Obviously, those people were not true friends to begin with.
As the years have passed, I’ve continued my mission to help educate others about addiction and advocate for recovery. I eventually started a blog about my experiences with my son (http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com); I’ve done volunteer work for several addiction-related organizations; I coach parents who are struggling with their child’s addiction; and I’ve spoken in front of many groups. Helping to break the stigma associated with addiction is now my passion.
In my case, being totally transparent about my family’s situation worked. And it still works. Sharing my experiences is therapeutic for me, and I hope that it helps others as well. If telling my story helps one other person feel like they are not alone, then it’s totally worth it. And I will keep on sharing until the stigma associated with addiction is destroyed, once and for all.
If you are in recovery, or if you have a loved one who is in recovery, please consider sharing your story on the Heroes in Recovery website. By sharing, you can do your part to help BREAK THE STIGMA.
You can share your story in one of two ways:
1.) Go to the Heroes in Recovery page, share your story directly, and let them know Dean sent you.
2.) Contact me on Facebook (Dean Dauphinais) and I can help you through the process. Or we can talk on the phone and I can help you write your story.
Also, please feel free to share this blog or leave a comment below. I’d love to hear any feedback you might have.
Peace.
–Dean