His Words Resonate My Soul
In November of 2013, I was given a gift that I will be forever thankful for. After years of alcohol abuse and depression, I had decided to surrender and try to live life a little differently as I knew it. When the haze in my mind cleared, I found myself in what I considered a little slice of heaven: Palm Springs, California. Even though I was in a treatment facility surrounded by walls and a locked gate, it was a welcomed change from my overwhelming, disastrous life. In treatment, I met people like me, people who wanted to help me, and most importantly a person that highly influenced me and whose voice resonates in my soul to this day.
When I arrived in Palm Springs, I was a very sick individual. I had lost the use of my pancreas five years earlier and was a Type 1 diabetic dependent on insulin for survival. The medical doctor I had at the time assured me that I could drink alcohol in moderation. This is where the insanity of the disease of alcoholism kicks in. My mind thought great! My moderation is drinking till I pass out or run out! I thought I was good to go! This way of thinking lasted for five years until I was hospitalized. Facing serious medical issues in my near future, I knew it was time to change things if I wanted to live a longer, more productive life.
When I was evaluated in California, my A1C was in the stratosphere and my blood sugars were steadying in the 400’s. I was taken to the emergency room on three separate occasions due to high blood sugar during my inpatient treatment, one person knew two things that I needed to heal and conquer a crucial step that would be integral to my recovery. That person was my therapist, Peter.
Peter was intimidating looking at first glance. Imagine a younger James Earl Jones with a voice to match. That was who Peter reminded me of. I sat through group therapy my first week, only speaking when I was called upon. I soon began to open up first in individual therapy sessions and eventually in group therapy. Peter helped me open up and find my voice. He told me to never hold my head down in shame but to look up and forward to the future. He was the first person to tell me that I deserved sobriety and a better life. He was supportive and stood by me when I had to call home on Thanksgiving Day and tell my family I was not coming home just yet, that I had things to finish for myself to ensure my own sobriety. He checked in with me when he was free to just offer a kind word or to see how I was doing.
Due to my diabetes, the doctors said I needed to get moving and exercise. Peter thought that we would take walks during our individual therapy sessions, I guess to kill two birds with one stone. He also knew that I was struggling with Step 2 and believing in a Higher Power. So on that particular day, while walking around Palm Springs, we discussed my belief of a Higher Power. I was having a hard time grasping the concept. Peter stopped and asked me to just look around. He then asked me, “Who do you think created all this?” As I looked around in awe of the clear sky, beautiful mountains, and took a deep breath, I didn’t even have to answer. It came to me at that moment. Peter in his wise wisdom just looked at me and gave me that nod and that James Earl Jones smirk and chuckled. He knew that I got the message.
I don’t know if Peter remembers this or if he even remembers me, but I will never forget him. Today when I am struggling with some issue or I am looking for an answer, I simply go outside, take in the surroundings, look up at the sky and breathe. I then pray for an answer and thank God for my continued health and sobriety. I hope one day to meet up with Peter and thank him for being such a big influence in my recovery and how grateful I am for all the wisdom and knowledge he gave me. I remember one day in treatment, I was sitting in the meeting room journaling and Peter came up to me after a particularly emotional one-on-one therapy session. I don’t recall what all he exactly said, but he ended our conversation with “Just remember, Bo, you deserve it, you deserve it, you deserve it.” Throughout my recovery whenever I get down, I hold my head up high and look forward and whisper these words to myself, I deserve it, I deserve it, I deserve it. His voice and wisdom will always resonate in my soul. Thanks Peter!
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Much Love,
Bo