The “A” Word
Does anyone else out there hate the word alcoholic too?
Street bum, brown paper bag, homeless, dirty, mean, unemployed , scum of the earth! Oh the list could go on and on! It’s such a hurtful, demeaning, judgmental word. It’s no wonder more people don’t seek out the help they need. Who wants to be part of this not very popular crowd?
You know what? That’s not who we are, at least the majority of us and we want you non-addicts to know that.
We are mothers, fathers, grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, daughters and sons. We are not bad people; we are sick people with a disease that we didn’t ask for. Trying to get sober and stay sober is something we have to work diligently at every day. We are strong, lovable people with so much to offer to this crazy world.
Instead I refer to myself as a person in recovery. Does that mean I’m not accepting the fact that I am an alcoholic? No, there is no doubt in my mind about that one. I proved that one too many times! I even have the papers to prove it! I just don’t want to be judged, there’s so much more to me. It took me a long time to get to this point where I do love myself (about three and a half years)! It doesn’t mean life is perfect every day; but I’m happy, loving life, and now sharing my personal story to help others.
I remember running into a dear friend of mine at the rehab I went to crying in the parking lot. I asked her what was wrong and she cried “I don’t want to be an alcoholic”. I replied, “Unfortunately we don’t get to choose. We are born like this. It’s a progressive disease that wants to take everything away from you, quite possibly even your life!” I know I wasn’t first in line saying, “Pick me pick me, I want that gene!”
Now I know some don’t agree that addiction is really a disease, but it has been proven. Our brains are wired so differently than non-addicts. We can try and try and convince ourselves that we are not going to drink, but we pour that drink anyway. How can this happen? It’s like someone else takes over. We don’t even have an answer because we don’t understand it ourselves. When this happens over and over we fall deeper and deeper into this insanity. You don’t even know who you are anymore. “If only I could get rid of this dang alcohol once and for all life would be so much better.” But I learned the hard way that, in all actuality, it’s not the alcohol’s fault: it’s our bond that we have formed with it that has to end. The real problem lies within us. This is where we have to choose. Do we want to continue on this path of self-destruction? Do we want to lose everyone that loves us? Is this all we want from this beautiful gift called life? You make the choice. I just know that I choose to live for today, to be present for my family, to be able to feel comfortable being in my own skin. To love this new me!
So please don’t judge us. You don’t know our whole story! And when you do judge us, it makes it so hard to find that great person who’s been buried for so long.