Why You Matter
When my son was still alive, one of the most often-stated things I said to him was “I wish you could see what I see.” When he was in the throes of substance abuse, he felt like he was useless, unimportant, and a bad person. He was filled with self-loathing, and it often came out as anger toward me. I have heard this from so many people who used to be substance abusers. They disliked themselves, they were afraid people would find out what a “loser” they really were. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every person is a person of value. Andy was an amazing person, and I could always see that. The drugs clouded his mind and made him think otherwise. To me, this is one of the most tragic parts about substance abuse. It steals self-esteem and makes people forget about the amazing spirit that lies within them. And it is just not true. You matter, and here’s why:
1. Someone loves you, and your absence would leave a hole bigger than you can possibly imagine. I have a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I miss my beautiful boy so much. I miss his smile, his laughter, his great intelligence, his hugs. I miss seeing his dishes in the sink and his clothes in the laundry. I miss making his favorite dinner. I miss telling him “Goodnight, I love you honey.” There are times when I think about the fact that I will never see Andy again for the rest of my life, and it just crushes me like a load of bricks. It takes my breath away. And don’t think “Well, nobody cares about me.” Because you are wrong. I care about you. Don’t let people who are too self-absorbed or stupid to see your greatness and your value impact your own feelings about yourself.
2. You have a purpose. I absolutely believe that we all have a reason for being here, a very important purpose or mission. If you die of a drug overdose, how can you fulfill your life’s purpose? Your life is so important in the grand scheme of the universe. And this brings me to the ripple effect. You do not know how far reaching one simple gesture can be. A kind word to a stranger might give them the strength to go on when they feel life isn’t worth living. Your encouragement to a young person may give them the impetus to take a leap of faith and go for a dream. Maybe that young person will go on to become a doctor and save the lives of countless others. Do not underestimate how important your mission in life is. You have one!
3. There is only one you! There is nobody else on earth who is exactly like you. Nobody has your unique talents and experiences. Isn’t it amazing that of all the billions of people on earth, NO ONE is the same as you? And so, you matter because your uniqueness is essential to this world. Celebrate the wonderful and essential person you are. We all have talents. Don’t compare yourself to others because their unique talents are theirs. There’s a great quote from Albert Einstein that goes “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid.” Wise words.
To my son, I wish to say: You mattered! You gave me the best and happiest years of my life. You are so loved. You were an incredible, amazing person who possessed great intelligence, musical talent, beauty—both inside and out, and deep friendships with many people who loved and respected you. I wish you could have seen what I saw.
To those suffering from addictions I wish to say: You matter! Do not treat yourself and your body with disrespect. Appreciate the special talents that are yours and yours alone. You have more internal beauty and more power than you can possibly know. I believe in you and I care about you. I wish you could see what I see.
To all people out there I wish to say: You matter too! You have the power to give hope or despair. Put your judgment away. When you encounter people who suffer from substance abuse, instead of scorning them, look for their beautiful spirit within. It is there! Ask yourself “What might my purpose be in making a difference to this person’s life?” Notice them, encourage them, and tell them what’s good about them. No one is beyond redemption. Everyone needs to know they matter to someone. Who can you give that precious gift of mattering to?
If you have a story of recovery, here’s a great way you matter and can make a difference. Please share your story. It’s really easy. You can do it in one of 2 ways:
1) Go to Heroes in Recovery and share your story. Say Pam sent you.
2) Message me on Facebook and we can talk in person or you can text me your story.
In love and light,
Pam