Powerless Over Alcohol
Addiction is a disease that affects its prey in many facets of life. Whether the addiction is alcohol, drugs, or some process, many people in recovery find relief by working through the famous 12 steps. The 12 steps have been a lifesaver for millions of people who have practiced them. The focus of this article is not to focus on all 12 steps but to focus on the first half of the first one, which many people struggle with so much that they never get to the rest. The first step is, “We admitted we were powerless over (substance or process) – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
I have currently been sober over three and a half years but recently found a copy of something I had written when I was 52 days sober and working the first step titled, “Powerless Over Alcohol.” This article was intended for an audience of just a few, but as I read it I felt compelled to share it with a larger audience. My time in sobriety may have changed me, but my thoughts remain the same. Here is a snippet from that writing.
“I have come to the realization that I am powerless over alcohol after many years of denying and struggling with that simple truth. I don’t know if it has simply been due to my not wanting to believe that I am powerless over alcohol, my unwillingness to accept that harsh truth, my failure to recognize the signs that all pointed in that direction, or a combination of the three.
I think I did not want to believe that I am powerless over anything, especially alcohol, due to my pride. I did not want to accept the fact because I felt it was a weakness that would somehow compromise my feeling of always being in control. I think my pride led me to believe that I could overcome any obstacle, especially a substance, on my own. The problems I have caused myself have proven otherwise. I have never been the type of person to get myself in trouble and have always conducted myself in a responsible and respectful manner, except when alcohol has been involved. Alcohol turned me into another person that did not stand in alignment with everything I am when sober. This happened so many times that I finally came to the painful realization that I am powerless over alcohol when I consume it. I have never been capable of having just a few casual drinks like a normal person and now I know why.
I have had an unwillingness to accept the fact that I am a bona fide alcoholic for years. I think this was due, in part, to my lack of understanding and education about what an alcoholic is. I felt that an alcoholic was someone that had a chemical dependency on alcohol, which I felt I never had. I would drink a couple of nights a week and could easily go from a few days to a couple weeks without a drop of alcohol. But then I would have a drink that would lead to at least ten others and by the end of the night I’d be blackout drunk and out of control. I think my recognition of what an alcoholic is has helped me greatly in grasping the true seriousness of my problem.”
Over the course of the last three and a half years, I have learned and seen a lot in relation to addiction. I have literally been in contact with thousands of people who have struggled with the same issue I had in not being able to admit that they were powerless over a substance. Once my eyes were opened for me, I began to see my life being completely turn around for the better. I know the gifts I have been blessed with wouldn’t have come to fruition if God wouldn’t have opened my eyes to the first half of that first step. My prayer is that anyone who is consumed with the denial that I had would have their eyes opened the way mine were.
Have you or someone you know struggled with the same issue? If so, how did you come to accept being powerless?