Reflection
As I sit here beginning to write, I am in a mood of reflection. Yesterday (June 22nd) marked three years since my last drink of alcohol. I am totally grateful for the life God has built for me over the past three years. I have been thinking of the journey God has placed me on since I began this walk in recovery. The things I have learned and the blessings I have received have left me in disbelief. I feel the best thing I can do at a time like this is recount some of the lessons I have learned and highlights I have experienced in the last three years.
When I started my walk in recovery, I was the same as a lot of people that are still battling addiction. I felt I had a problem with drinking, but didn’t feel I was an alcoholic. I always felt an alcoholic was someone that HAD to drink. That wasn’t me. I WANTED to drink. There was a big difference, so I wasn’t an alcoholic. Very early in my recovery, I heard something in a meeting that resonated with me. The gentleman speaking talked about all of the things he tried doing to control his drinking. He said he quit drinking dark liquor, he quit drinking liquor before 11:00, he spaced his drinks to only one every thirty minutes, among other things, but none of them worked. He said someone made a point to him about this. This person asked him if he felt people without a drinking problem ever had to set limitations like these on their drinking. He said it opened his eyes to the fact that he did have a problem. A person should be able to drink freely and in a controlled manner, unless they can’t do so, and have a drinking problem. This seems so simple, but for me was one of the most insightful things I had ever heard.
I have always been a very self-motivated person, so the thought of having to get a sponsor to, more or less, coach me through recovery, seemed a bit of an insult. The more I went to meetings, the more it was preached, so I gave in and got a sponsor. I cannot even put into words how much better and less difficult it has made this walk. I have learned that a sponsor is not someone that is just going to order you around, but is someone that is actually going to walk your journey of recovery with you. He is someone that will provide insight and suggestions whenever needed. Giving in to working with a sponsor has been one of, if not the single, most important events in my recovery.
Attending a specific meeting on a regular basis has done wonders for my sobriety. Besides just getting me into a habit of going to certain meetings at certain times, it has helped me be able to help other people in their walks in recovery. A guiding principle in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is helping others in their recovery. There is an entire chapter devoted to this in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous (“Working With Others”). A lot of times people get stuck in their own lives and problems. Helping a friend or someone I know from a meeting with one of their problems, can significantly take the focus off of my own problems and help me put them into perspective. Another thing I love about attending the same meetings is seeing the progress people make in their lives. I remember a guy that was really struggling with the idea of a life of sobriety. I tried offering some helpful advice, which I think provided him some hope. He has since really turned things around, is over two years sober, and is doing great. He is one of my close friends in recovery and we are both there for one another if needed. I don’t think we would have formed the kind of bond we did, if we only attended that meeting once in a while. We’ve both been through some tough situations since then, but we’ve been there for each other. I think it’s these types of relationships that help keep people from slipping back into their old lives.
There are many more things that come to mind when I think back over the last three years. The more time I spend in reflection, the more grateful I am. I have learned that I am not in control of my life, God is, and He knows where I need to go and how I need to get there. Knowing I am not in control can be hard for me, but I know that if I were still running the show, it wouldn’t be going as well as it is today. For those of you with any time in sobriety, my question is, what sticks out to you when you go into reflection mode?