Resentment
Resentment is an everyday reality for most everyone in the world. It is a constant reminder that the world is not perfect and we are not perfect either. Wikipedia defines a resentment as, “the experience of a negative emotion felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done.” At one point in every person’s life, he is sure to develop resentment against a person, organization, team, school subject, or something else. This is true of your pastor, your boss, people in recovery, and even your grandmother!
The fact that someone has resentment shouldn’t score a point on his “bad guy” side of the scoreboard. The way a person handles or reacts to resentment tells the real story. Things happen all the time that we don’t like, and we let them get under our skin. From the guy who cut you off in traffic, to your boss whom you feel isn’t treating you fairly, to the spouse who doesn’t do his or her share of the housework, the list could go on forever! The point is, there will always be things a person can be resentful of, but he cannot let these things fester or they will eat him away on the inside.
This is especially true of people in recovery. A driving factor toward relapse is resentment. Addiction is not only physical; it is very much a brain problem. Resentment makes the addict’s brain go into overload. An addict can easily start to dwell on something and turn what should be a small inconvenience into a full-blown disaster. ”It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.” (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 66) Resentment can lead to deep feelings of anger, unwarranted conflict, and picking the bottle or drug back up, which can snowball into a life spiraling out of control again.
“If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.” (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 66) To the recovering or yet-to-recover addict, this is very true. Resentment that “normal” people go through on a daily basis can be a much bigger problem for people with an “addict” brain.
One way that I have been able to beat my resentment, or not let resentment beat me, is to rely on God for strength. “When a person offended we said to ourselves, ‘This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’” (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 67) In addition to this, I can pray for this person. Praying for a person I am resentful of might seem odd at first, but after a while, I believe that God can and will remove that resentment. Whatever the action was that stirred the resentment will not be erased, but my attitude about it will be much better. “We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.” (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 68) I find that God can and will ease my resentment if I give it over to Him. It’s a constant struggle. Resentment is constantly arising for us all; we’re human! Luckily, the formula for help doesn’t change.
Have you developed a way to avoid resentment? If so, please share it. If not, how have you been able to deal with your resentment effectively?