- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
My story is a long one: Twenty-eight years of active addiction and 45 years of mental health issues. When I was a kid, I was afraid of everything. That stemmed from the violent nature of communication between my parents. Some would even go so far as to say that I have PTSD. My siblings (one sister and three brothers) all used drugs and drank, and all left home as soon as they could. My dad was a wounded WW2 vet with PTSD himself. Dad was a loving and caring man, mom was a cognitively challenged woman with deep-seated depression and anxiety as well as PTSD herself.
When I was a kid early in school, I did very well, As and Bs. When I got to 6th grade however, that changed. The teachers were not as caring and I was starting to see my older friends hanging out with the “cool” crowd. I always lived for the approval of my friends and so it wasn’t long before I started hanging out with the wrong crowd myself. I started out by getting drunk at ten years old. I came home and my mother figured out my condition and slapped me in the face, on reflex I slapped her back. That was the start of the darkness between us.
At age 11, I started smoking pot, that finished off my motivation for anything good in life. I repeated the 6th grade three times and they finally passed me. I repeated 7th grade twice, then after I got caught shoplifting, my mother put me in rehab. I was court ordered and fought the system for about 14 months, then got with the program and finished the program in nine months. I started technical school after the program; I had gotten my GED while in it. Within six months I relapsed because I stayed around my old friends.
At age 17, I tried cocaine for the first time, and my friends talked me into burglarizing a house to buy more. I drove, they went in and we all got caught. I helped get back the stuff so my adjudication was withheld saving me from prison. The judge put me on probation and in an outpatient treatment program. I finished the program and probation and got high that day. I was still around my old friends, a recipe for disaster!
It would be another14 years before I tried to get clean again. In 2006, I quit cold turkey. A move that left me so sick that my doctors wanted me to check in somewhere to balance out. I said no and rode it out on my own. I stayed clean for seven months. Once again, old friends led me back to active addiction.
In 2007, I discovered oxycodone, that was all she wrote. My addiction spiraled out of control. I started seeing a pain management doctor and getting the pills. Soon even that was not enough. I was snorting 20 to 30 pills a day, usually mixed with cocaine (speed balling). One day, August 21, 2010, I robbed my pharmacy for pills. I had been dope sick for two weeks, off my psych meds the whole time and had a psychotic episode. That day was a nightmare and a blessing to me.
Once caught later that day, I gave my statement against myself freely, but I was in episode and would be for the next 14 months. I bounced in and out of medical at the jail. The judge didn’t know what to make of any of it, until one day I showed my insanity in the courtroom. He shipped me off to the state hospital for evaluation. The psychotic episodes were diagnosed and I was treated. Finally symptom-free, I was sent back to jail to be sentenced. I now had a possibility of an insanity plea. I made a deal and plead guilty for a five year straight time sentence. In Florida, the minimum mandatory is ten years for a gun crime, so I was only looking to improve my situation and did.
When I got into the system, an inmate on his way out told me that if I truly wanted to help myself; sign up for faith based and reentry programs. I did and stayed out of trouble entirely. I earned every day of my gain time, serving only 85% of my sentence. Five years, two months and 21 days to be exact. I spent four months at a faith-based prison, 19 months at the reentry program with work release as well. In total, I only spent about a year at truly bad places.
When I got out, I decided after a few months that school was my best option for a future. I enrolled at a good school, they stalled my application and eventually they turned me down. Meanwhile, I was writing and publishing my story. I was also publishing self-help and poetry books. I eventually found a school that accepted me and now am almost a year into a bachelor’s degree program to become an addiction counselor. I have a 3.39 GPA and am working hard. I have just over three years clean time and am married to a beautiful, intelligent woman who is also in recovery. Life is good, but it came with hard work and the cost of my youth and early adulthood. There is hope for any addict, all one has to do is realize they need help and ask for it, take it and learn how to live life clean! My own recovery books and other publications can be found at amazon.com. One day at a time, Just for today.