- Drugs
My name is Stephanie. I am from Massachusetts, have lived here my whole life and don’t think I’ll ever move out! If you look at me from an outsider’s perspective, as someone who knows nothing about me, my past, my story or my life, I look like a normal 23-year-old. I have a full-time job, I live in my own apartment and I have a vehicle. I am outgoing, positive and hard-working. This is the abnormal to me. This is all new to me.
I am a heroin addict. I have been since I was 18 years old. The pain deep behind my eyes is caused by things I am ashamed of and things I try to forget. My drug use brought me to a point beyond Hell.
I always knew I was different from others when I was growing up. I was never comfortable with myself, and I never felt like I truly fit in. If I told you my whole story it would take far too long. What I did know back then is when I picked up my first drink at the age of 13 I knew I was a wrap. I had found the solution. I had found my answer to all my problems with social anxiety and the feeling of being left out. I did not become an alcoholic in a day, but my use became more frequent the older I got. I started smoking weed and doing other substances in high school. Between the ages of 13 and 18, I used just about every drug I could get my hands on, but I fell in love with opiates. As soon as I found them, I knew this was my answer.
By the time I was 18, almost 19, I was a full-blown IV heroin user. I saw nothing wrong with this, because I surrounded myself with people who did as I did. It was abnormal for me not to shoot heroin daily, but I did not know the demon I had unleashed. I did not know I was an addict, and I had no idea what the next five years of my life were going to entail. I lied, cheated and manipulated when I used. My family became my number one victim. The only thing I cared about was getting high.
I have been homeless on the streets and not cared. I have robbed my mother and father blind and not blinked an eye. This disease will have you on your knees quicker than anything, and although I am ashamed of what I’ve done, I know that it wasn’t me. I was my disease. I no longer had the option to use. It was a must, and I did anything and everything I could to relieve the pain I had inside.
I have been to countless rehab centers, halfway houses and detox programs to try to stop using, but nothing stopped me until ten months ago. I had just gotten out of treatment again, and I had exhausted all my options. I had driven my family to the ground, and my life was in shambles. I finally took action. I went back to support group meetings, and I dove right in, knowing that if I went back to using, I would surely die. I don’t want to die, and since I haven’t yet, I know God has put me here for a reason.
I have worked hard to become the person I am today. I no longer fight myself; I love myself. I haven’t had to use heroin or any other mind altering substance in just over eleven months, and my life has blown me away. I didn’t think I was ever going to get sober. I thought heroin was going to win this battle, but through perseverance, strength and hope, I am now a grateful recovering heroin addict, and I’m proud to say that. I no longer hate the path God chose for me, I embrace it. My demons are horrible, but I have overcome them. I have become this woman I never once thought I could be. My life is beautiful today. I am happy and can truly say I’m blessed to be here. Thank God for support groups, the friends and family who never left my side and for keeping me away from another drink and drug. It only got better for me when I started taking action to give myself the life I once dreamed of.