My addiction started out like many addictions do. I started with doctor prescribed painkillers (hydrocodone, Percocet, and eventually OxyContin). I was completely ignorant to the addictive factor of those medications. I soon became aware when my habit began to cost me on an average of $150-$200 daily and I would become very sick without it!
Eventually, I was tired of being a slave to chasing my high, I was told about suboxone and thought it was the cure-all. Again, should have educated myself a bit more and had a plan about the length of time I would stay on it. I was prescribed suboxone for almost six years at the same dose– 16mg daily. I know this drug has its place but I believe it needs to be prescribed along with therapy and the understanding it is additive in its own right and it is hell to come off of.
I am a mother and I have a daughter who struggles with substance abuse. When I became her excuse for her drug use, and she began saying, “See, Mom, you can’t even totally kick your crutch from back when you abused painkillers!” Well, watch me!! When it comes to our children many of us can push ourselves to do the unthinkable! I could not carry the burden of emotion because of a huge mistake I made that I could be the cause or blame for my baby girl’s demise!
I decided cold turkey was my only option in getting off of suboxone. I am an addict and trying to cut back just didn’t work for me. I did go into a detox to make sure I was safe while detoxing off of it. I stayed for eight days. I own a business and have a little boy and a husband at home who I felt needed me there, so home I went.
After those eight days, it was far from over (the withdrawal). I felt horrible for 22 long days, but every day I would wake up– or more accurately, I would start a new day without a wink of sleep and tell myself, “Today will get a little better.” I would pray for God to grant me strength and to help see me through the hell I created for myself. Each day got a little better and with a bit of help from non-addictive medication, I started to sleep at night.
I will never as long as I live put any kind of opiate in my body again! I never want to go through the hell of coming off of it ever again! I will educate myself on any and every medication I am prescribed to make sure I NEVER end up in that mess again!
I have been off of Suboxone now since April 16 of this year. I feel GREAT!! I can’t believe I let a drug control my life for so long! While on it, I became very anxious, irritable, and antisocial. I rarely laughed, I was just on autopilot. What a sad existence! I am back to the old me! I am happy and I enjoy the little things in life again. Thank God for another chance!
So, yes, I did feel pretty bad for 22 days, but in the grand scheme of life that is really nothing compared to the rest of my life free of addiction! It is worth it! I am so happy I decided to give it a shot. I battled and I won!