- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
In her childhood and early teenage years in Central Illinois, Tarisha loved to play volleyball and did a lot of drawing. Her life changed at age 14, as she first tried alcohol and then marijuana with friends and got immediately hooked on it. It started sporadically and got gradually greater as the process of addiction ran its course. Her curiosity led her to use many more substances throughout the years, like LSD, mushrooms, cocaine, valium and then methamphetamine, even IV drugs. Amazingly, marijuana was the hardest for her to quit; it was her true drug of choice.
In 2008, she went to prison and has never used crack ever since. It was the first step toward her recovery process. But instead of using crack, she now turned even more to pot and especially alcohol. She was on probation for a long time and it was easier to manipulate the system and drink than it was to use, since alcohol did not show up in her drug testing. At that time they didn’t send it to a lab and check for alcohol as well, as they do now.
From that moment on, her life didn’t get better for a long time, as you might assume. It got worse at the end and she lost absolutely everything she had. In 2015, she had a boyfriend and she found out that he was IV using and cooking meth. She lost her relationship with him, their brand new home, her dogs, and everything valuable. Most importantly, she lost her children. Tarisha left her boyfriend because he lied to her and cheated on her with her friends. Although she was using drugs herself, she totally disapproved the cooking of dope at her home and as she found out about it, she was shocked. Her children were six months and five years old at the time and she lost custody because of it and has not seen them for eleven months now while they stay with extended family.
Tarisha went to treatment, knowing she needed help to fight the disease. It was difficult to get access to treatment, but she finally managed to get into a center near Paducah, KY, where she has lived since she was 21 years of age. She stayed in the first treatment center for two weeks and stayed in another treatment center right following it for four weeks. It helped a lot, but she was not able to let it go yet.
She left the treatment facility and got high immediately and stayed this way for about two months. She never worked a 12-step program, got a sponsor or had any sober friends. She was lacking any support and was by herself. But she knew the feeling of being clean and sober by that time from her time in treatment and after two months of using, she felt really desperate and “sick and tired of being sick and tired”.
“Nothing can be so bad, that a drink won’t make worse”, is a sign on the wall of a 12-step fellowship in Paducah, KY, and she remembered those words and understood what it meant. Today she has a sponsor who is very close and she speaks to her every day. She goes to at least one meeting every day and has found her family in the rooms of the 12-step program. Here she found the support she needs to stay clean and sober. She wants the sobriety for herself. The hope to see her children back is also a good motivator in her eyes.
“I keep the fellowship very close. I try to be a part of, not apart from,” Tarisha says. She is between jobs at the moment and loves to be outdoors in her spare time to take photos. She was back at school, but put it on halt for the moment, as she wants to be straight with her priorities of staying sober in life for now. She wants to be responsible for child support and building her life back up. She is 34 today and her sobriety date is September 14th, 2015, and she is working hard that she never has to change it again. “I want to be a better mom, a better friend and a better partner one day. I want to fix ME.”
Both of her parents were battling addiction and are in recovery, her biological father with over 30 years, and she wants to follow their footsteps and find her own resilience. Tarisha still struggles with loneliness and depression at times, but she tries to call someone each day or go to a meeting if her emotions get overwhelming. She loves to read a lot of recovery related literature and listen to speaker tapes.
“Don’t give up five minutes before the miracle works,” she says, “the promises will come true. Entering recovery and a treatment center was scary and a relief at the same time. It was scary to look at myself. I didn’t want to talk about and deal with a lot of things that happened in my life. But I feel relieved to know that I’m not alone and that it happens to a lot of people and that I don’t have to live that way any longer.”