- Drugs
My name is Jim D, and I have been in recovery for 25 years. I have first-hand experience with all of the major drug groups available between 1965, when I was attending UC Berkeley, and 1989, when I was homeless, jobless and penniless. I was a heroin addict from the early 1970s to August 1989.
Curious (and not so curious) facts about me:
• Everyone on my father’s side of the family had problems with alcohol, and several died from its effects. I always had a very negative self-image. I took a mathematics/algebra test in seventh grade and scored at the level of a college sophomore. I was always very empathetic. I suffered from dyslexia (I didn’t know this until about four years ago) and was a very slow reader although I was well read. This put me at a giant disadvantage when I attended UC Berkeley in 1965, when my drinking and using began.
On my birthday in 1989, I went into a long-term residential rehab center. I am grateful to them for helping me reclaim my life. They walked me from the wreck I was to the person I could still become. When I entered the facility, I was 42 years old and economically naked. I had few connections in the world although I still had relationships with my parents, my brother and one friend (Thanks for hanging in there, Betsy) all of whom had stuck by me. Aside from those four people, I was orphaned. The job skill I had was drug dealing, a skill for which there was little need in the straight world I had reentered. The people I surrounded myself with during my years of use were underground chemists, other drug dealers, mom-and-pop independent drug smugglers and other drug users.
When I left rehab, I was reborn. I had a job as a construction laborer which I had gotten through rehab connections. I was involved in an ongoing relationship with a young woman who was willing to take a chance on me and who later became my second wife and would give birth to our two sons. I was involved in 12-step programs, and although I never worked the steps or got a sponsor, I got a lot out of the social aspects of the programs. I tried to quit my addiction for five years before I went into my last rehab. I tried quitting cold turkey, attempted moderation, attended 12-step groups, signed up for methadone replacement therapy and attended a 30-day residential program. During those five years, I contacted all the people I sold to and connected them to all the people I bought from, which is kind of the reverse of what a dealer does when he’s building his business, just so I would not have enough money to buy heroin. None of it stuck until rehab. To be honest when I went through the doors, I felt I was fully cooked, that I had put those days behind me, but I stuck out that very difficult program just to make sure. While I was there, I witnessed people choosing to serve twelve-year prison terms rather than stay in rehab for two or three years. Such stories are common.
During the first five years of my recovery, I attended 12-step meetings on a regular basis and enjoyed the sense of community which came along with that attendance, and I was involved in service work and performed administrative duties for the governing body of a support group. At the end of five years, my new wife and I were expecting the first of two children and, feeling I was secure in my commitment to an abstinent lifestyle, I stopped attending 12-step meetings and devoted my time to job and family.
I worked as a 411 operator, then as an inter-company tech support person and then as tech support for business Internet connectivity and application support. I currently am the owner/sole proprietor of a computer network installation and maintenance company and provide Internet connection troubleshooting services. However I find that at this stage of my life, being involved in helping others recover from the ravages of addiction is where my heart is. In 2010 I found a new support group and became involved. I was trained as a facilitator and started a meeting in California. About two years ago, I started a second meeting.
What I believe:
• We are all doing the best we can. Being open and honest with the world, while not always expedient, is better for the world and better for us. If a person does what he/she considers to be the right thing, it will work out well in the end. The best goal is the fulfillment of your values. Life is confusing, but if we just continue doing our best, we will muddle through.