- Alcohol
- Drugs
A New York native, Paul V. pursued a degree and taught science and computer classes back when computers were still a novelty. For 15 years, he took a relatively complex subject and broke it down into something that anyone could understand. He left teaching, but the skills he learned would serve him well later.
Several decades working in wealth management followed. In this field, he saw firsthand the wide range of issues that families faced. As they made financial plans, they needed to factor in autistic grandchildren, parents with Alzheimer’s and family members caught up in addiction.
The issues would also hit closer to home. Paul’s son struggled with marijuana and alcohol as a teenager. As the family struggled to understand the why and how, Paul spent 18 months in a family-centered 12-step program. Through the help of others, he was able to take a look at what he was contributing to the situation and get to the underlying causes. Paul also became a caregiver for his father, spending a decade handling day-to-day tasks and serving as an advocate before his dad eventually passed away at the age of 101. Then Paul’s wife, an RN, was diagnosed with lupus and other issues.
He would go on to use what he learned from all of these experiences to help others. In March of 2014, he came on board with CareGiver Reality. Partially retired, he looks at this as his life’s third act. While he could stay at home and devote all his time to his wife’s care, he feels it’s important to share what he’s learned about what works and what doesn’t to help a family get through these situations.
His best advice for caregivers is to take a deep breath and remind themselves that they’re not alone in what they’re feeling, thinking and going through. Others have dealt with the same issues you’re facing and can help you find answers to the problems in front of you. Then, he reminds them to take care of themselves first.
In caregiver situations where addiction is also a factor, there are unique issues. There are so many feelings running through the addiction, that it can be hard to see past all that to see a loved one who needs help and a family who needs healing. But it’s important to remember that it’s a disease, and the response should be help and not punishment. In the end, though, caregiving is agnostic; it really doesn’t matter the disease. You can learn from anyone else going through it, and the issues are often the same. It really all comes down to support: for the sick individual, the caregivers and the entire family.
That’s what Paul and his colleagues strive to provide – through support groups, TV programs, a radio show and other resources. CareGiver Reality materials have been recognized by Florida Council on Aging and other organizations.
Caregiving, addiction and treatment are topics we don’t think about until we have to. And then there is a lot to learn in a very short time. Thankfully, heroes like Paul are one step ahead of us, paving the way.