- Alcohol
- Drugs
David L., founder of CareGiver Reality
David L. has been in the family caregiver business for 27 years. As the founder of CareGiver Reality, his passion is to provide nonclinical support for those who regularly care for a loved one, whether it’s a special needs child, an aging parent, a spouse, other relative or friend.
He’s also aware of the unique issues that come along with addiction caregiving. “When somebody gets Alzheimer’s, you can’t blame it on them,” David explains, “but addiction caregiving comes with a double scoop of guilt. Caregivers wonder what they did to cause the problem or contribute to their loved one’s issues.”
Addiction isn’t just something he’s studied for his work. It has impacted David personally in the form of a family member who would acknowledge their problem but then quickly fall back into old patterns. “You never know when that shoe is going to drop,” David says. “The unpredictability for the caregiver is one of the biggest issues when it comes to addiction. There’s this hope that they will recover, but will that happen? There’s not the same acceptance as when someone has a chronic, degenerative illness.”
Even after recovery, there are new issues for the caregiver or former caregiver. They often struggle to move on, and they’re afraid to be cautiously optimistic. Their emotions are tied up in somebody who has a history of not following the program (no pun intended). It can put everyone on an emotional merry-go-round.
In the end, though, caregiving doesn’t really care about disease. The dynamics are a little different, but so many of the issues faced are the same. Almost all caregiving is complex, confusing, complicated and counterintuitive because you spend so much time fighting the system.
David never planned to get into the caregiver business. He thought he was just being a good son, husband and father when he took on the role of caring for his aging parents, special needs child and, more recently, his ailing wife.
When it came to choosing a career, he initially started out in law then switched to real estate before doing something that was closer to his heart. For nearly three decades now, David has been creating resources to help build skills and capabilities for the family caregiver that wouldn’t exist otherwise.
It’s a good thing he’s there to provide answers because caregiving comes with a plethora of questions: What do I do next? How did I get here? What is my response? How come others don’t see it that way? This all-consuming role can contribute to divorce, create divides among loved ones and devastate families. And the demise of the nuclear family has changed caregiving. Aging parents used to be cared for by a large network of family members all under the same roof, but now adult children are spread across the US. The result is someone gets tagged to be the caregiver while others cheer from the sidelines. It can create a lot of resentment.
Fortunately, David and others like him are providing support. The first things he likes tell a new caregiver is, “you’re not alone.” Then for those caring for an addicted loved one, he reminds them, “do not feel that you were the cause of the addiction.” And finally, all caregivers need to be urged to seek help independent of their loved one where they can address their own issues.
David currently holds a Doctorate of Jurisprudence, is a certified Caregiver Educator and Trainer, and holds advanced certification with highest honors in Gerontology. He is also a Circuit/Civil and Family Mediator in the State of Florida and is acknowledged by the Supreme Court of Florida as an eldercare subject matter expert. But in the end, he just wants to provide support to others in the trenches.
Each week, he stars his radio show asking, “How was your week in caregiving?”
That caring question means more to his listeners than any degrees or certifications. It shows them that someone understands.