Alcohol and I began our relationship when I was 13 years old.
My friend’s mom and her boyfriend bought us beer on a Friday night took us to a “real” haunted house that same evening. It was an adrenaline rush like I had never experienced. That night stuck with me for months. I was convinced the alcohol had enhanced everything and I wanted to feel that rush again.
My high school and college days consisted of me binge drinking on weekends. I was the wittiest friend, an expert on every subject and I was definitely the best dancer. The LIES alcohol tells us.
After college I settled down, got married and had three beautiful boys within five years. I did not drink while I was pregnant and when they were young. After they went off to school and found their own lives, I was lost.
Wine became my best friend. I was lonely and bored and wine made me feel warm and wanted. It was a way to fit in with every group. Everyone was doing it. All moms need a stress reliever, after all. My one glass of wine at dinner quickly morphed into 2 to 3 glasses a night. Sometimes I would drink a whole bottle but always got deathly sick afterwards.
My health was starting to fail. I was often too sick and tired to get out of bed. I’d never remember what my boys told me the night before. I was puffy and swollen and looked 10 years older than I was.
I didn’t hit rock bottom per se. I just happened to listen to Elizabeth Vargas book, “Between Breaths,” when I was on vacation. It was life changing for me as it made me take a long hard look at my own drinking.
I wasn’t comfortable attending local meetings. I decided to immerse myself in online groups— “Women for Sobriety” saved me. I also joined a couple of Facebook groups for women in recovery. I immersed myself in recovery podcasts, books and blogs and I took specific steps to change my habits.
I finally went public on my own Facebook page about a couple of months ago and the support was overwhelming. I am almost 8 months sober. I know with 100% certainty I will never take another drink. I am now confident enough to join AA or attend meetings if I feel I need to. I continue to fill my cup up with positive self-talk and I stay connected to the online feeds. They will always be my lifeline.