- Alcohol
- Drugs
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
The first time I got sober I was 19 and stayed in recovery for over three years. My dad and I got arrested together that time. I was working at a bar and undercover police were buying drugs from me. I had no idea. They were bikers– two men and two women, and they wanted a larger amount of cocaine. I called my dad and we took them home. They partied with us together until five in the morning, and took also some to go. My dad and I sold drugs and used together, got arrested together, and got clean and sober together.
I was in a college town in Ohio in my sobriety, didn’t go to many meetings anymore and the 12-step meetings didn’t seem so cool to me anymore. I got the chance to go abroad on a full scholarship. I went to Amsterdam and Luxemburg and studied international business. The second day we were in Amsterdam I went with my house-mate to a coffee shop and said “Why is your beer so much cheaper than my coffee?” I wrote that day in my travel journey, “I hope I don’t make a huge mistake here.” I did! I was in Europe from 1999 to 2001 and was all-on drugs and drinking. I swore, that as soon I would step back into the States, that was gonna be the end, but it wasn’t. I flew into DC, met someone in politics and from there went more weeks in full addiction.
I spent the rest of the summer with my grandmother in Kentucky and as I arrived back at school in Ohio, I tried to stop drinking again, but I could not stop anymore. I was miserable, but could not stop. I went on for couple more years until I found sobriety again for a three-year duration. My entire life was an ongoing “Build and Tear Down”.
Although I never married, never had children, and had a hard time managing my life, I met my match one day. I met him in recovery, was back in school trying to get my masters in history, and as he showed up at my church, he really caught my eye. He started a job in Louisville, KY, and I went with him. My grandmother in Kentucky was not doing well at that time and we took her to the Mayo Clinic to get some relief for her last stage cancer. She raised me and was the most important person in my life, as my parents were both addicts. After she passed, my boyfriend changed and started to put his hands on me. A cycle of physical abuse, drugs, alcohol, homelessness, despair and going back to him started.
I wanted pain pills, but could not get any and started snorting heroin and was back in my addiction and left him after some time. Several small possession and paraphernalia charges gave me some jail time. I was actually relieved after being arrested, as I was homeless and slept in abandoned houses. From jail, I went to a treatment center. As I was there, we talked about relapse prevention and other things and I told them about the very abusive relationship that was the only thing left from my past.
I found a place at a facility in Paducah, KY, a home for women after domestic violence. They help me now to get back on my feet. I’m again clean and sober, have a job, and found nice friends in the 12-step fellowship in Paducah. I know now that I can’t go back to that relationship as I would go back to drugs and alcohol very soon as well that way. I have started a new life, clean and sober, without any threat. I’m grateful today for the chance that is given to me.