- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
Donna did not drink early in her life. She remembers the one drink she had as she was 13 years old and in Mexico and then years to follow without another drink. She really only started to consume alcoholic beverages in college and would consider her intake as being normal at that time for that age. It was not a daily thing, just going out on the weekends, having a couple drinks and going home again.
Her alcohol abuse didn’t start until she was married as she was about 26 years old. She married a “fixer-upper”; her husband was an alcoholic and used pot as well. His life differed very much from Donna’s. She was mostly at home, wanted a child, he was running around and had no wish to begin a family. Donna did not find the courage at that time to tell him to cut his losses and move on; she kept thinking she could fix him or could change him according to her ruler.
At some point during their marriage Donna told her husband that if he is the one not wanting a child, he could take the responsibility for any birth control as she would not anymore. It resulted in having their son short time later. Still, he didn’t want to be a father and he was not a father. Donna was 31 years of age when she was expecting and she quit drinking during this time. She is a nurse and knew how important this is and since she was looking forward to becoming a mom of a healthy boy, it felt easy for her to stop alcohol at that time. She was sober for about ten years because the alcoholism of her husband progressed. She was afraid for her family, afraid that something bad may happen, and also felt that she has to protect her family. One day her husband almost burned the house down as he was drunk. Donna felt trapped in the relationship. She was the lone parent.
As her son was ten, she started to drink again. He was not a toddler anymore that needed total care and she felt more and more alone. She isolated at home and drank more than she should have, she realizes after looking back, but she was not yet drinking at an alarming level. The son went to college, the marriage ended in divorce and she found another guy that needed to be “fixed”.
She had been teaching nursing on the college level for a long time, but she did not like it anymore as many things had changed over the years. She was unhappy at her workplace. Now she has worked the same position for over 30 years and again felt trapped in her life, missing the courage to change the situation. The heavy and daily drinking started. Having her drink coming home was her reward for making it through the day. The lines get blurred after some time and one day she came hungover to work, sleep deprived, unable to give her best, yet still hanging onto the job. She could finally retire at that point and did take that way out. It was a relief. Donna did not want to stay home and be fully retired yet, so she took a job at a local hospital in Kentucky,
Donna loved the job as a nurse at the hospital. But old habits don’t break easy and so she still had that box of wine at home waiting for her once she finished her work day. “I wasn’t drinking for the taste,” Donna says, “I wasn’t a big connoisseur; I wanted the effect the alcohol gives me. The boxed wine tasted nasty, but it did the trick.”
Donna never went for drugs. She has seen so many during her career in the hospital that it scared her. She worked with other professionals at the hospital that took the opportunity to hide drugs and she would have never thought that a specific person had a problem with drugs.
In the year 2014 or 2015, she got two DUIs and she appeared on the board of nursing’s radar. She went to a few 12-step meetings but never quit. There was a lot of pressure on her and she did not handle it well, so one day she showed up at work half-drunk from the night before and a co-worker turned her in. Her license was suspended. Between the board, her lawyer and herself, it was determined that it would be in her best interest to visit an inpatient facility and she went. She was ordered to attend a certain amount of meetings per week at a 12-step fellowship. At first she dreaded those, but today she truly loves to come and does way more meetings than she needs to do for her paperwork. Donna filed all paperwork to be re-hired by now and hopes it will work out that they give her a second chance. “I’m learning how to live on life’s terms today,” says Donna. “I’m learning to be patient and today I care about myself. I always felt trapped and drained, I’m learning to set healthy boundaries today.” Donna is 62 years of age today and grateful for all she could learn in the past month.