- Mental Health
When she was 14 years old, Megan started using food to cope with her anxiety and depression. She had always loved food, but at that point it became an addiction. She was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression and always felt shy, hated any kind of attention and was scared of social environments. Food provided temporary relief for a permanent problem.
Megan started to sneak food, hide wrappers and stay up late and eat until she fell asleep. She would eat anything she could find, usually sweets like candy or ice cream. When she got older and had her driver’s license, she ate a lot of fast food. She would get a full meal, stuff it down, go to a party, eat there and then get more fast food on her way home. The food gave her a small relief, but she never felt satisfied. She remembers learning about anorexia and bulimia in high school and thinking, “I could never be like that.” She never threw up food, but she had a real problem of her own.
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She hid her eating habits because of overwhelming feelings of guilt. Her parents were very worried about her, but the more they talked to her about their concern, the more she would hide evidence. Her parents were very supportive. She never felt too much pressure from them. She was unhappy with herself and felt shame and guilt about her eating, but she couldn’t stop it. She went to therapy several times, but she really didn’t listen and kept eating. At the age of 25, she noticed she was unable to go home after work without getting ice cream or chicken nuggets. She realized she had a true addiction.
For years Megan forced herself into all kinds of diets and gym memberships but kept failing. She felt like she was 80 when she was about to turn 26, as she had migraines and heart palpitations and was constantly tired. She didn’t want to live like that anymore. She could not keep up with her friends, was always slow and never felt well. She knew she needed to interrupt the addiction cycle in order to lose weight.
Megan’s last binge was in June 2013. Today she works out, meditates, writes and goes to a therapist to cope with her anxiety. She eats healthily and cut out pop and fast food completely. She worked really hard on her problems and lost amazing 82 pounds, yet she is most proud of the fact that she was able to break a 10-year addiction. She stays busy, got a new job, fell in love, has great friends and is out and about more than ever. She has trouble going to support group meetings because of her social anxiety, but she gets lots of help from online groups and her family. Online groups showed her that she was not alone, and that in itself was a tremendous support.
Megan says, “I want to hug a person that is still suffering, because that person used to be me, and I know how much they are hurting. No matter how low you feel now, it can get better. It won’t be magic, and it won’t be easy, but it can happen.” She turned her feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anxiety into motivation. Small steps led to her success, because every little step made her feel better, and that increased her motivation. She doesn’t want to go back because she came so far. “Please don’t give up,” she wants to tell anyone in need of help. “One slip, one binge, one cookie does not make you a bad person or a failure. It means you just wipe it away and keep on going.”