- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
I got sober on July 10, 2008. I went to my first meeting at 16 years old when I started showing some signs of dependence. My uncle took me to that meeting; he’s actually been sober for 25 years now. It was really weird, I felt at home, even though I was so young, but it took 10 years for me to come back and stay. So July of 2008 is when I officially started my recovery journey.
I feel like everything has changed since then. I came from a place of complete and utter despair into blossoming. From low-energy, I didn’t really have any type of drive or ambition to do much, into a position where I constantly have fire in the belly to find ways to help people and share what I have became my path.
It’s not only substance use disorder that I struggled with. I also had some alcoholism in my family history and I’ve learned more about that over time. It just seemed like I couldn’t find myself, I really struggled to figure out where I fit in. I moved from situation to situation without having to figure out who I was and somehow I left myself behind. I didn’t give myself the time to find out who I was. With that being the case for so many years, without so many of the core things I needed, I came to a place where I was trying to fill this void with something and even though it wasn’t fulfilling the void, I kept doing it. Eventually I just got to the point where I wanted to fill that hole with something real.
Alcohol was my primary drug of choice and I do go to 12 step meetings for alcoholism. I’ve also gone to drug addiction recovery groups and codependent recovery groups. Most specifically, I use 12-step based recovery from alcoholism but I support any pathway to recovery. The turning point for me was after my first DUI and I went into treatment in 2007. I was sober for 29 days. It felt really good to be sober but on the 29th day I found a reason to go back to what I knew. As they say, things got a lot worse in a shorter period of time. Fast forward to July 2008, I got my second DUI. I finally did a full inventory of my life up until that point and I realized that I hadn’t done the things I wanted to do. I know that I was put here for a reason. I was brought into this world to help humanity and had no clue how, but I did know that doing what I was doing was never going help me to be successful at what I was put here to do. So that night I made a decision to change.
I’ve learned to trust that my Higher Power can give me what I need to move forward. I have suffered so much loss in recovery. I’ve seen people pass away, suffered through people relapsing and going back out, and seen all different types of situations that made me feel like I wouldn’t be able to move forward. Learning that I could turn that stuff over to God and reach out for help is what has made me successful.
I am proud and humbled by the opportunity to help other people with the many different hats I wear. Being able to be a part of the meetings on campus at UNC Charlotte and the creation of the UNC Charlotte collegiate recovery community is a legacy that I’ve been able to leave behind. I can’t put into words what that means to me. It was all possible because I believed that there was a true demand for it. I needed it for me and I wasn’t alone, other people needed it and other people will continue to be able to have that resource long after I’m gone.
My biggest struggle is balance. I am prone to addictive behavior. I can really delve into things and since I’ve always been prone to this type of behavior I never really knew anything about balance. I’ve been all or nothing since I was born, so I think that’s my biggest struggle. I really have to lean on other people to help me and accept new things to bring balance in my life. It’s important that I pray and have a daily reprieve. I talk to people around me about where I’m at and practice what I preach. Being a life skills counselor in sober living helps me greatly when I need to hold myself accountable. It’s really brought patience and balance into my life.
One goal that I’ve met was going back to school to get two degrees. I had learned a lot about recovery before I decided to truly be honest and start my recovery journey, so I was already interested in other religions and wanted to understand my own spirituality. I ended up taking a world religions class in community college and the professor that taught that class was one of my heroes. He empowered me to move forward with what I was embarking on. I talked to him throughout the semester and he helped move me along and get involved. When we read the book “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron it changed my entire life. We had to write a paper on the book as it relates to doing service work and that was a spiritual experience in itself. I got more involved on a regular basis and explored the things that I knew at my core were what I needed to be successful.
I graduated with an Associates of Arts and transferred into a four-year university. From that point I was able to overcome a lot of codependency and other issues. I started really looking at where my energy needed to be focused and I was put in a position to help create something brand-new. It’s empowering to know that I didn’t just go finish school, but I did something important with it.
A big part of my platform as I’ve started to do more work publicly is that you are not alone. I can’t emphasize enough how important that feeling of being a part of something, a part of something big, whether it be in the recovery community or as a part of humanity as a whole. I spent a lot of time in active addiction feeling like I was a part of this underground culture and how cool that was, but it really means something to not only be fully present but to be fully present with people who strive to grow together to do good. There is nothing like that feeling. Having people there to remind me that I wasn’t alone, listening to the people that had gone before me share how they got through their experiences and sharing their wisdom helps me pick up truth along the way.
First and foremost, everybody feels like they can’t do it at the beginning. I’m here to remind you that you’re not alone. I tell people all the time “no matter what” make this decision and stick with it. Sometimes that means that you’ve got to reach out your hand and ask somebody for help. You’re still going through life. Just because you decided to get sober doesn’t mean that life isn’t happening. But you’re worth it. Give yourself a chance. Know that once you take those first steps there’s a net you fall into that is constantly there to help you every step of the way. You have to trust and believe in your heart that it’s possible. Once you realize that it’s possible the doors will continue to open and the path will unfold.
I felt like there was no way to be successful at recovery but it got to the point where it didn’t matter. Something had to change. I had to let go of all my preconceived notions and really take a leap of faith. I completely misconstrued the idea of taking that leap of faith. I felt like everything was going to be horrible and I wouldn’t be able to move on in my life without it. I did and everything got better than I ever could’ve imagined. You can do it too. Get ready for the ride of your life!