I Give All the Glory to God

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners.”  – Jesus (Mark 2:17)

Today, I am often told what a good mother I am. I give ALL the glory to GOD.

As a child, I usually felt like I didn’t belong in my family. I felt that I was less favored and had many feelings of resentment and anger because of this. As a teenager and young adult, I sought love and a sense of belonging in all of the wrong places, which eventually led to a string of bad relationships, a suicide attempt, and a long battle with drug addiction.

In 2004, after not sleeping for 3 days, my boyfriend at the time wanted more and handed me our last bit of money, including our change, and told me to go back out… I did… I always did. I was tired… I didn’t want to go again, but my addiction was stronger than I was. My life could not get any worse than this. I had hit rock bottom.

I had always believed there was a GOD so, on that night, I decided that I would try to talk to Him. Over and over (for what seemed like hours), I repeated these words: “God, please help me. Please give me a reason to change my life. Please give me a reason to leave.” I think I fell asleep saying it.

Two months later, I found out that I was pregnant. GOD had answered my prayers. Now, we would get clean together for the sake of our child and we would raise it in a loving home and live “happily ever after.”

We got clean. I started a good job (he already had a great job), and things were looking up. Or so I thought. About a month before my scheduled inducement for labor, my world was shattered when I found out that the father of my unborn child had been cheating on me throughout my whole pregnancy. I allowed him to bounce back and forth between myself and the “other woman,” certain that he would realize how much I loved him and that I would NEVER give up on him.

It wasn’t long after the birth of my first child before we were both using again; to the point that we owed over $1000 in drug money and traded anything of value for drugs, and owed a couple of month’s rent. At that point, we left our remaining belongings (packing only a few clothes and our new baby) and drove clear across the country to Seattle, Washington to start our lives over.

This cycle continued, taking us to Indiana, where I conceived again. This time, I DID NOT GET CLEAN. My total lack of regard for the life inside of me was sickening. I knew that I was probably damaging my unborn child and that once it was born, I would lose both of my children and probably do time. I was a worthless excuse for a human being. Not only was I on the bottom again, but now I have brought two innocent children down with me. I had ruined our lives. All hope was lost.

I ended up having a c-section due to the baby being in a breach position and I can remember hearing her cry for the first time… I remember thinking when they took the picture of us in the delivery room… I thought, “This will be the only picture ever taken of us together'”… I remember thinking that, at any moment, the police were going to come and take me away and that I would never see either of my children again… And that is EXACTLY what I deserved! However, that never happened… I was able to leave the hospital with my new baby and go home to my oldest child and…

WHAT JUST HAPPENED??? HOW did this just happen??? I did not understand what would allow a person like me to have two beautiful HEALTHY children!!! I was determined to never do drugs again and be a good mom to my children… even if it meant staying away from their father.

After some time apart (and both of us being clean) we decided to try again. Again, we failed. We were back in the car, living from state again. This time we were bringing along with us our two small children…
We went from the car to a tent. Then from a tent, to a pop-up camper in Mississippi where he then left us for about a month. He then resurfaced and we all finally made it back home to South Carolina where (after staying from one family member to another) we received some help from his family and were able to stay in a nice camper. He was also given a job… I was very optimistic and hopeful that after all the trouble we had just come out of that, surely, things were going to be different. AGAIN… my hope was short-lived. However… I REFUSED to do it anymore!!!

As much as I dreaded having to ask my dad if I could come back home with my two children, I knew what would happen if I didn’t. The next morning, I went home… DID YOU HEAR ME??? The next morning… I WENT HOME… exactly one week before Christmas, 2008. My dad loaned me the money to buy a car to enable me to start pulling myself up again, making me promise to never go back to the father of my children… I held true to that promise and have been clean ever since (not that it was easy, but it was EASIER).

With much help from the state, I was able to put my children in childcare and begin working immediately to pay off the money owed to my dad. Within two months, I was attending cosmetology school and rekindling friendships with some of whom I thought would never forgive me. In September 2009, I was approved for Section 8 Housing (which I applied for, FOUR YEARS EARLIER, through much encouragement from my mother). I then moved into a mobile home in the country (where we still currently reside). It was PERFECT. I was truly overwhelmed by GOD’s love and the mercy he had shown me.

Four years after begging GOD to give me a reason to change my life, I finally got the strength to do just that. He was with me the whole time, showing His mercy, giving me chance after chance after chance; just waiting on me to make the move so that He could begin to pour His favor out on me. I didn’t see it then, but I can see it so clearly now. (Was blind but now I see)

I gave my life to Jesus Christ in October 2011 and have never been more loved and accepted than I am today… I am thankful for the peace that GOD has given me, knowing that He was with me then and is certainly with me now. I feel extremely privileged to be able to go to Him and ask for help and KNOW that He hears me and will, no doubt, provide my answer.

I am currently teaching my children the importance of their relationship with GOD as I also learn my role as a Christian.

1 Timothy 2:15 — But women will be saved through childbearing–if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

Today, I am often told what a good mother I am… I give ALL the glory to GOD.

I will conclude this testimony with a piece of scripture that speaks loudly to me… I hope that this testimony offers hope and encouragement… if only to ONE.

1 Timothy 1:12-17 —
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

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