- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
My life changed when I was lying in bed so very, very ill physically, spiritually and emotionally. I saw that I had only three choices. No matter how disastrous our situation, we do still have a choice. My choices were keep drinking and let the alcohol kill me, kill myself, or scream for help. I was in a really scary place, and it wasn’t the first time I’d been there either. This was Hell, and I was in it. I love the saying, “Religion is for those that are afraid of Hell, and spirituality is for those that have been there.” I rang a recovery center, and they guided me from there. I feel the thing that changed my life was getting some hope that there was still a life out there for me. I had been sitting in my house drinking myself to death. I had no reason to get out of bed.
I had to search and search and find out who I was. I learned that my values and beliefs were based solely on what my mother taught me. They were hers, not mine. We were very close. However it was a very destructive, codependent relationship. I don’t blame her in any way. This disease is rampant in my family, and I believe it has been for generations. If we are not physically addicted, we have other major behavioral disturbances. The common thread among us all was our lives revolved around self, self, and self. My son is the only exception, as he was brought up according to the 12 steps even though I relapsed after seven years.
My mum died last year, and what a sad life she had worrying about material things, money and how our family looked to the outside. It sounds horrible but her passing left me free to find me and not her version of me. I am also doing a social services certificate, and this has helped so much in self-awareness. It has opened up a whole new world for me. My recovery today is awesome, very simple but serene. I enjoy nature and simplicity in my life, and this is very alien to how I lived before. I was a very successful dancer as a child and was in the limelight. My self-esteem was so low I felt that if I was the best, the others must be absolutely useless. I am now studying mental health and addiction and treating them as co-existing disorders. I was a professional ballet dancer and would love to help children and people in the entertainment industry which is full of addiction. I really think I can help because I’ve been there.